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(03/27/23 4:59pm)
Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status
(02/17/23 5:55pm)
Everyday I wrestle with my boyfriend’s conviction to wake up at 6 a.m. and workout. I wake up at 7:30 a.m. and sit in solemn silence, staring out my window from the 22nd floor of Harnwell. I pick up my phone to a beautiful assortment of texts from him. A multitude of thoughts, including “drafts” of “satire headlines”. I shudder, yet feel the kindness.
(11/29/22 3:59pm)
no body text
(11/01/22 3:26pm)
The number one thing people associate you with is your face. But you yourself don’t necessarily identify with your face.
(10/27/22 4:09pm)
Bread pudding …. Cute smile emoji.
(11/10/22 5:24pm)
1 corner seat of UBB
(10/18/22 4:17pm)
Imagine you go on a date and the girl has choppy dyed purple hair and won’t shut the fuck up about liberal feminism. How would you feel?
(10/11/22 12:43pm)
Penn has selected Chinese philosopher of the Spring and Autumn Period, often considered the paragon of Chinese sages, Confucius, to serve as the University’s new provost, said President Magill.
(10/12/22 2:21pm)
I wish I could just live even one day as a middle school girl in Shanghai again. Those were the best time, and those were the worst time. I did physics with my ex-boyfriend, his new girlfriend, his best friend (my new boyfriend). I went to Costa Coffee at 6:30 am and trained myself to drink Americano. After school I curated horrifying vibes (listening to The Darkest Day by Lana Del Rey and thinking harrowing thoughts) on my way home to read Lolita (Chinese translation). I lived the life of an ascetic in order to prepare for the High School Entrance Exam. I fancied myself a femcel version of Hermann Hesse.
(10/03/22 7:05pm)
We all know the fable of the boy who cried wolf. The durability of the tale reflects the durability of the philosophical archetype behind it. I am someone who fibs for aesthetic purposes. The signification system is all fine and good when I stay in jest mode: a tectonic structure of language that favors signifiers over signified. But it doesn’t stay that way. The system collapses when I want to arrive at the truth without having to pass through the convoluted maze of satirization. If I were to have a safe word for whenever I want to exit the facetious semiotics – and I’ve already picked the word (bipartisanship) – I would simply abuse the word to maximize the comedy. I have practically no defense against the disintegration of the truth-value. I have only myself to blame when my veracity is perceived by others as jest.
(05/02/22 10:25pm)
it happens
(04/19/22 4:46pm)
nostalgic asf
(04/07/22 6:39pm)
Yeah yeah, if you could do that that would be awesome. Thanks Beth.
(03/25/22 4:00am)
There's no print edition. Read the headline and exit this webpage. Go home. I love you
(03/24/22 2:37pm)
There's no print edition. Read the headline and exit this webpage. Bye.
(03/22/22 3:01pm)
Betrayal is a common theme in our post-truth society. I’ve known betrayal. I’ve known it since a very young age. It doesn’t break my heart anymore when people betray me: I have long since stopped letting anyone in on me, my earnestness and sincerity. So, when I found out my white boyfriend of three years, Andy, cheated on me, I spent no time wallowing. I dropped him without a thought and went on with my life. That is – until I discovered that the girl he cheated on me with is one who uses the phrase “begs the question” erroneously.
(03/21/22 2:43pm)
When I yank out my Rose Gold Apple MacBook Air (Retina, 13”, Early 2020), you will know: I did not come to Moelis Family Grand Reading Room on the first floor of the Charles Patterson Van Pelt Library to fuck around. I mean business. I am dead ass. I am on God.
(03/15/22 9:22pm)
As of today, Tuesday March 15th, the student body received an email from “Interim President Wendell Pritchett.” In the email, it was announced that Penn will drop its indoor mask mandate for all non-classroom indoor spaces, effective immediately. This means students will no longer be required to wear masks in libraries, residential halls, dining halls, etc.
(02/23/22 5:33pm)
There, reader. I have run out of the last of my fucks to give. I can now declare with conviction one last time: I don’t give a shit.
(11/16/21 4:23am)
In a shocking turn of events, Jack Kereckes (C’23) went into this evening with the intention of completing his biology coursework yet came out completely catatonic with an alarming amount of cannabis in his system.