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Editorial: I Am Not a Veteran

(03/27/23 4:59pm)

Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status   Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status   Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status   Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status   Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status   Please select the veteran status which most accurately describes how you identify yourself I am not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more of the classification of protected veteran status   


Report: Boyfriend Texting Drafts of Satire Headlines Again

(02/17/23 5:55pm)

Everyday I wrestle with my boyfriend’s conviction to wake up at 6 a.m. and workout. I wake up at 7:30 a.m. and sit in solemn silence, staring out my window from the 22nd floor of Harnwell. I pick up my phone to a beautiful assortment of texts from him. A multitude of thoughts, including “drafts” of “satire headlines”. I shudder, yet feel the kindness.








OP-ED: I Am a True Artist Who Cannot “Come to Club Meeting” or “Buy Alc for Pregame”

(10/12/22 2:21pm)

I wish I could just live even one day as a middle school girl in Shanghai again. Those were the best time, and those were the worst time. I did physics with my ex-boyfriend, his new girlfriend, his best friend (my new boyfriend). I went to Costa Coffee at 6:30 am and trained myself to drink Americano. After school I curated horrifying vibes (listening to The Darkest Day by Lana Del Rey and thinking harrowing thoughts) on my way home to read Lolita (Chinese translation). I lived the life of an ascetic in order to prepare for the High School Entrance Exam. I fancied myself a femcel version of Hermann Hesse. 


Woke Mob Hasn’t Cancelled David Bowie but Here Are the 10 Tweets I Will Fire Off if They Hypothetically Did

(10/03/22 7:05pm)

We all know the fable of the boy who cried wolf. The durability of the tale reflects the durability of the philosophical archetype behind it. I am someone who fibs for aesthetic purposes. The signification system is all fine and good when I stay in jest mode: a tectonic structure of language that favors signifiers over signified. But it doesn’t stay that way. The system collapses when I want to arrive at the truth without having to pass through the convoluted maze of satirization. If I were to have a safe word for whenever I want to exit the facetious semiotics – and I’ve already picked the word (bipartisanship) – I would simply abuse the word to maximize the comedy. I have practically no defense against the disintegration of the truth-value. I have only myself to blame when my veracity is perceived by others as jest.







I Lived It: He Left Me for a Girl Who Uses “Begs the Question” Erroneously

(03/22/22 3:01pm)

Betrayal is a common theme in our post-truth society. I’ve known betrayal. I’ve known it since a very young age. It doesn’t break my heart anymore when people betray me: I have long since stopped letting anyone in on me, my earnestness and sincerity. So, when I found out my white boyfriend of three years, Andy, cheated on me, I spent no time wallowing. I dropped him without a thought and went on with my life. That is – until I discovered that the girl he cheated on me with is one who uses the phrase “begs the question” erroneously. 









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