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Pardon Me, But Have You Seen The New 34st.com?

(11/18/08 3:06pm)

Attention all aesthetically-minded 34th Street readers: have you checked out our exquisitely redesigned new website?  In our humble opinion, it's basically the Mona Lisa of independent college magazine websites.  We are so greatful to the DP web elves (they're like the house elves in Harry Potter, except they know HTML) for working so hard on it!  In fact, we at UTB are starting to get a little jealous that 34st.com is so much prettier than us.  It's Marcia and we're sad, plain Jan, the middle child with a "great personality." 34st.com 34st.com 34st.com!


Advanced Registration Is Going, Going...Gone!

(11/16/08 9:24pm)

Hurry up, registration procrastinators, because you've only got about eight hours left to request spring courses.  After that, it's add-drop Russion Roulette for you!  Because UTB always has your best interests at heart, we've put together a smorgasbord of classes that sound cool, interesting or otherwise worthwhile.  Behold, your totally ballin' last-minute registration guide (and yes, all of these are real classes):


BMOC May Be Canceled, Leaving A Sad Campus Full of Normal-Sized Men

(11/14/08 5:11am)

So you've probably heard the totally lame-o news that BMOC-- shorthand for AXO's popular annual philanthropy event, Big Man on Campus--is on the verge of being cancelled, which would make its record 2 for 4 over the years that seniors have been at Penn.  Maybe you've even joined the SAVE BMOC group on Facebook, which points out that each year the event raises thousands of dollars to support victims of domestic violence.  But have you stopped to consider that a lack of BMOC would leave our campus, like a fish without a bicycle,  sadly BMOC-less?  The chair of the UA and the president of the senior class serve as our elected leaders, but he who is BMOC is our unofficial spiritual guide.  How will Street editors know who to put in Cultural Elite?  Will the role instead fall to the Big Asian on Campus?  And then who will fulfill the duties of the big Asian--Mr. and/or Ms. Penn?  We truly fear that BMOC's cancellation could result in a social power vacuum.  Hey, Ron Daniels, if you agree to stay, we'll let you be BMOC!


Carrel Politics: How To Lose Friends and Alienate People At The Library

(11/14/08 4:20am)

Spending all your time at Van Pelt will give you a pretty skewed vision of Penn life, and spending all of that library time in the same cramped little study carrel working on a senior thesis will just make you that much more cracked out.  You get used to leaving all your stuff there, and since you have permission to kick people out when you need the carrel, it becomes a weird little makeshift home.  It's basically real estate consolation for all the stress you've elected to endure to graduate with honors.



A Remembrance of Shoutouts Past

(11/13/08 5:45pm)

Ah, Shoutouts, it's been too long!  For the uninitiated, Shoutouts are sort of a Street trademark, one of the things we are best known for around campus: they're basically a collection of anonymous, reader-submitted expressions of love/vitriol/both that we publish once a semester, and the meaner, the better.  Sometimes people worry that 34th Street has lost its edge, that we're just not as gloriously bitchy as we once were.  Each semester, Shoutouts reaffirm our place as the most cynical people around.






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