OP-ED: Are You Sneaking a Banana out of Commons or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
Photo by Seth Fein / The Daily Pennsylvanian
February 20, 2019 at 11:36 am
Not to be bold —I know we haven’t seen each other in ages, so it’s entirely possible you’re just very excited to see me — but is that a banana in your pants?
If it is, nice. I’m about to go steal some fruits, too. My friend Martin is a freshman and he’s swiping me in. I’ve been really lonely lately, so I was thinking of picking up some juicy citrus fruits. I might grab an apple, perhaps a kiwi or even a pear if I’m feeling adventurous. I could even grab a banana, like you seem to have maybe done.
If it isn’t, wow. I—I’m happy to see you too. It’s been so long, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you again. It feels like just yesterday we were freshmen, coming here to this very dining hall and getting dinner together. I always felt like we had a special connection…it’s so good to see you feel the same way.
So if that is, in fact, a large banana stuffed in your crotch region, not unlike how an acorn is stuffed into a chipmunk’s cheek pouch: bon appétit!
If that isn’t a banana, what are you up to tonight?