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Fox News' Tucker Carlson Reports: First Democratic Debate Who?


Photo by Jordan Ene /  CC BY-NC 3.0

Last night marked the kick off of the debate cycle for the 2020 presidential election. Over 20 candidates are currently running for office on the Democratic side, including Senator Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden, the one the kids call "Booty," Bernie Sanders, Kernel Sanders, your neighbor's runaway labrador retriever, the center console from a Tesla Model 3, a lobster clenching an American flag in his rubber banded claw, the hive mind from Codename Kids Next Door, a lost left sock, and Jeff from writing sem.

While only 10 of these candidates were included in last nights debate, the next 10 candidates will debate tonight at 9:00 pm ET. Candidates need to poll over 1% support to participate in democratic debates. Fortunately, those sad souls with less are free to participate in ThunderdomeTM gladiatorial debates, the first of which will be held this Saturday evening. If you know where it is, you know where it is. 

"The Democratic debates are very exciting," said one Penn Dems nerd, unprompted, from behind a tree on Locust. But even while Senator Warren and Dr. Left Sock were defending the rights of socks to live independent of their partner socks, Fox News begged to differ.

Rather than discuss the debate, Fox News reportedly found more interesting topics last night at 9. "This is Tucker Carlson reporting from China. This just in. China: does it exist? And if so, I think I might hate it. Back to you, Jim." 

In their defense, Fox News hopped right into discussion after the debate had finished. "This is Tucker Carlson reporting from a green screen of the Democratic debates in China. This just in. Democrats: do they exist? And if so, I think I might hate them. Back to you, Jim."

In the end, Fox News did arguably cover the debate after it was over, despite reporting on random things throughout its live run time. Nevertheless, the quality of their analysis was definitely lacking. As a high caliber journalist from an Elite Ivy League InstitutionTM, I think they should consider looking into the existence of Democrats before the debate. Y'know, just a thought.