Photo Essay: These Are All the Places on Campus I Would Kiss My Girlfriend If I Had One
Photo by Grace Ginsburg
September 20, 2019 at 11:14 am
It's almost October, and you know what that means: it's cuffing season! I don't have a girlfriend (yet), but I've started making plans for when I inevitably get one. I did some scouting and put together this list of six extremely romantic places on campus where I would kiss her. Man, I love her so much already. She's going to be so beautiful and cool and amazing. Definitely at least a 10, maybe an 11. I can't wait.
1. What better place than the Love statue to smooch my sweetheart? I'd plant an alluring little peck on her cheek. She'd turn her head and look at me with her beautiful eyes. That's when I'd run my fingers through her hair, put my hand on her neck, pull her close and kiss her. I'm just romantic that way. It's really kind of weird that I'm single, in all honesty. I'd be the best boyfriend ever.
2. The tables in front of what used to be Frontera would be a great place for some PDA. Not that I would know. You know what? Why don't I? How in the world am I single? I'm such a fucking catch. This is so unfair. Whatever. I don't need a girlfriend, anyways. Like, if I really wanted one, of course I could find one. No question about it.
3. Maybe if I started going to the gym again I would actually be somewhat attractive. Or maybe, if I stopped making such dumb jokes all the time, women would actually talk to me. There has to be a way, right? Look, to anyone reading this: I'll take you to a really fancy and romantic restaurant. I will pay for dinner. I will say absolutely nothing unless you want me to. Just please date me. Please.
4. Fuck, man. It's no wonder I'm single. No girl wants to go on a date with a dweeb who looks like he's 40 years old. I'm such a fucking loser.
5. You know what? Maybe I'm just meant to die alone. Yeah. Some people just aren't meant to find love, and that's okay.
6. Somebody please, please go out with me. It's starting to get cold outside and I feel so alone.