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“Assume Spherical Cow” and Other Phrases GUARANTEED to Turn Engineers On


Photo by mattythedog 

It's common knowledge that nobody understands engineers, not even engineers. They are emotionless, rigid, and only think in terms of numbers and esoteric jargon. But don't fear! UTB has compiled a list of phrases that are GUARANTEED to turn on your engineer love interest. 

“Assume ideal gas”

If you ever get really close to an engineer, just whisper Pv = nRT. It’ll send shivers down their spine. When you whisper this magic phrase, they’ll know that everything will be ideal and ok, relieving all their pent-up anxiety and stress. Just be sure to specify if v is volume or specific volume. 

“Assume all operations take constant time”

That could be a good or bad thing in the bedroom, depending what that operation is and how big the constant is. 

Not a phrase, but a presentation suggestion: put everything in Latex.

If it's in Latex, not only is it safer, it also must be true

“The material is homogenous, isotropic, linear, and elastic”

If you tell an engineer that you are homogenous, isotropic, linear, and elastic, they’ll immediately be interested in you. When you declare that you are HILE, it means that not only is your personality consistent everywhere, but it is also consistent in all directions. It also means that you know how to obey Hooke’s Law, if you know what I mean. 

“Pi = 3, g = 10”

Engineers are notorious for approximating numbers to get ballpark solutions. If you tell an engineer that they can be non-exact with you, they will greatly appreciate it. If you want to turn them on even more, you can say: pi^2 = g

“Code the greedy algorithm” 

Engineers love acting on impulse and laziness. If you give them the chance to do it fast and quick, they will take it. 

“Assume fully reversible and adiabatic process”

Engineers will LOVE you if you don't change entropy and do not lose heat. This pretty much means that you can operate on a cycle at perfect isentropic efficiency, which means you could operate in the bed for a long time. 

“Assume frictionless surface”

Everybody knows that everything feels much better without friction, so if you tell an engineer that they can ignore friction, everything will just slide into each other so much more easily.