REPORT: Kelly Writers' House Found to Be Even More Erotic Than Berlin Sex Clubs

Recent groundbreaking ethnographic research conducted by the Ginsburg Institute for the Amorous and Desirable has shown that the Kelly Writers’ House exudes more eroticism and sensuality than Berlin’s hottest sex clubs. The stalls of Das Fücking, for example, located in the heart of Berlin’s redlight district, are filled to the brim with literal coke-fueled kink lords. And yet, there is more raw, animalistic sexual energy to be found within the green libidinous walls of KWH. 

The building alone— from the steamy tea station to the venereal back garden— broke the ethnographers’ carefully crafted sensuality scale. As one observer recalled, “entering the structure felt exactly like being penetrated by a Hollister model.” By the time they saw the bathtub in the second-floor bathroom, the sexual carnage was too intense for anyone to bear. 

“It was boner city at that point,” said head researcher Jasper Jones. 

The students inhabiting KWH thickened the sensual aura to a degree the research team had initially deemed impossible. “I peeked into one classroom and students were literally sucking each other off while reading their erotic poetry and trying on each other’s glasses. The windows of the building quite literally fogged up,” relayed another ethnographer. 

The research team will return with more conclusive data after the launch of Kelly Writer’s House new course: Porn or Scorn? Boundary Transgression In 17th Century Pornographic Literature.