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Performance Art! Watch Me Eat a Pret Salad in the Reading Room

Credit: Carey Salvin

Ah, the ancient act of performance art. 

Your body is a shell, simply used to hold your various fluids and to get you from dull place to dull place. Lana Del Rey’s body is a map of L.A. But my body, in all its tasteful glory, is a vessel for the production of art. And art is what I shall produce. 

I wish you could see me now, Moelis Family. I genuinely wish I could feed you a perfectly-portioned bite of my Pret Salad. I wish I could give you a kiss on the hand like a courteous European prince. If it were up to me, Moelis Family, we would be breathing the same air. But, no. You look into my hauntingly beautiful eyes, and you say that I mustn't eat a Pret salad in your Grand Reading Room. How did it come to this?

First of all, do you have zero (0) respect for art? Second of all, do you have zero (0) respect for my body? For shame. I spent upwards of 13 USD on this salad. Its ingredients (organic) were crafted to my interests (organic). I spent my hard earned dining dollars on this made-in-house salad, yet you want to refuse me the pure ecstasy that is eating a crunchy crunchy salad in the most silent room in the Western Hemisphere. 

There is no way to know how long we will be on this planet I like to call “home.” I could live to be 124 years young (fingers crossed) or perish tomorrow saving an orphaned child from a fire in their respective orphanage. Either of these scenarios are equally likely. What I’m trying to say is, I want to live life the way I deem fit, enjoying my days with every twist and turn. So, if I want to eat my expensive, but totally worth it and filling, Pret salad in the Moelis Family Grand Reading Room, then so be it.