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Finally! Penn To Limit Study Abroad Students to Only One Private Story Post Per Day

cc/ Vanessa Huang

Finally! Yesterday, Penn announced a new ruling limiting study abroad students to only one (1) private story post per day.

“In an effort to curb a pernicious, alien, and parasitic subset of the Penn community, Penn has decided to limit social media posts by students abroad to two public posts per week and one private post per day.” stated interim president J. Larry Jameson. Jameson’s act sparked outrage among Penn students currently living in London, Vienna, and especially anywhere in the Mediterranean. However, the act carried overwhelming support from students remaining on campus. 

“I’m so sick of their posts,” said Jenna Furhman (W ’26). “We get it, you went to KitKatClub last night. Whatever. You can literally do that in Philadelphia too. It’s called TLO.”

On the pronouncement of Penn's new ruling, students abroad instantly reached out to administration with questions. Questions consisted of whether different social media platforms each allowed for one post per day and what exactly constituted a day. The administration clarified that students will indeed be allowed to publish one private story post for every social media platform they have. Therefore, a student with Snapchat, Instagram, and Whatsapp is eligible for up to three private story posts per day.

Students abroad were dismayed to learn the answer to their second question. The administration clarified that a day constitutes 24 hours. Therefore, a student may not post both a 5-second blurry video of their 3 AM rave AND their 8:30 PM pizza for Florentine dinner. They must choose.

“How can I be made to choose?! It’s like killing my babies,” said Michael Raskowitz, a College junior currently abroad in Seoul. “I HATE killing babies. It’s immoral. What Penn is doing is akin to making me kill a baby which is immoral! There should never be a choice. Babies should live.”

Note: At press time, Raskowitz reached out to Under The Button to clarify that we should “not get [him] wrong,” and that despite what he said he is “pro-choice and single.”