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(05/04/16 4:41pm)
It’s already Wednesday and your outlook for the next couple
of days is starting to mimic the eerily dim weather outside. But you know what Wednesday
also means? That finals ARE ALMOST OVER! Soon, it’ll officially be summer and
you can head home, relax, and enjoy time with family and friends. And from May
27th-30th you’ll be lucky enough to experience a marathon of 100 Disney Channel Original Movies. Remember when Troy Bolton tried to
balance his love of basketball and his love of musical theater and his social
life all at once??? Relatable, huh.
(05/03/16 5:24pm)
(04/27/16 6:01pm)
Last week, Dean DeTurck sent an email to all CAS graduating
seniors stating that “due to a number of dignitaries
who are expected to be in attendance at the College Graduation Ceremony,
graduating students will be asked to arrive early to Franklin Field.” While there is absolutely no way at all to
know who these special dignitaries will be, UTB has the inside scoop on the 30
most probable dignitaries that will be attending this year's College graduation!
(04/05/16 7:45pm)
A move right out of Big T's playbook. Clicking on www.whartonrejects.com will redirect
you to the NYU Stern School of Business website. To whoever did this: Wharton
is obviously one of the best business schools, so you don’t have to pull stuff
like this to remind Stern students that they go to only the 20th best business school in the country (embarrassing!!!). I know it’s hard for
Wharton students to understand what it means to be second-tier, so why don’t
you put yourself in their shoes? What if you
had to go Northwestern or Yale or Columbia or Duke for business school? Could
you imagine how totally horrible that would be? Try to do a good deed today and
be nice to the less fortunate. Don’t remind Stern students of their humiliating
failure. Wharton didn’t create their Social Impact concentration for nothing!
(03/28/16 4:18pm)
Spring has sprung! Looks like we're finally back to warmer weather, colorful flowers, and SABSing on College Green. Here's a couple of events for this coming week that might distract you from that smell of manure that's all over campus:
(03/17/16 11:55pm)
3LAU, pronounced “Blau”, is a DJ that you’ve probably never heard
of but whose name you’ve definitely seen somewhere on Spotify. He’s made
remixes of popular songs (most recently, “Sorry”
and “Stitches”)
and also has some singles of his own.
(02/25/16 8:00pm)
A new Philly law requires that you wear a helmet while riding a Hoverboard or else face a $25 fine. Now, we know this might be your
worst fear: you thought you looked so damn cool, riding down Locust on your
futuristic Hoverboard, attracting all the ladies with your trendsetting je ne
sais quoi. And now you have to wear a clunky helmet! Ugh. It might suck, but
make sure you stay safe like Amy Gutmann. Don’t ride a Hoverboard unless you wear
a helmet. Or, better yet, don’t ride a Hoverboard at all.
(02/19/16 9:30pm)
Our favorite denizens of Locust Walk are back! Yep, if you’ve recently seen carefree vaginas prancing up and down Locust Walk, you know it’s Vag Mons season. And what does this mean? Two things: prospective
students and their uptight East Coast parents taking tours of Penn for the
first time are most likely horrified AND you can support the Penn V-Day Campaign to raise money for W.O.A.R.! So don’t make excuses to not donate- it’s
cliterally SO easy.
(02/12/16 3:58pm)
Look, we've all done it – but that doesn't make it permissible. Follow along as two of our most objectively attractive Editors break down your transportation tendencies.
(02/07/16 7:11pm)
Certainly not the worst of sorority- produced videos, OAX’s production of “Sorry” left us pleasantly surprised. But while you might be
praising the performers’ fashionable costumes and swanky dance moves, we’re
here to tell you who the REAL stars of the video are:
(02/05/16 6:21pm)
Well, not really. But we can dream. In the most recent episode of Younger, a very
mediocre TV show that you’ve probably never heard of, an all-grown-up Lizzie
McGuire and her friend mention uber-expensive “douche burgers” that are
concocted by none other than graduates of your favorite and most préstigious
business school. These fancy food-truck burgers are made with lobster, caviar,
foie gras, and served in a gold leaf wrapper at a price worth one textbook
($600). They’re made by “Wharton graduates! Wacky MBAs”, exclaims Lizzie
McGuire’s less-relevant friend. While the Penn community might be grateful for another shoutout, it’s a little disheartening that the Wharton legacy will be
that of “douche burgers”. Though let’s not pretend that Penn isn’t filled with
a ton of douche burgers already.
(12/08/15 3:50pm)
Piling on some bad news to impending finals, crazy
presidential candidates, and general chaos in today's world: the CDC has
officially declared that Pennsylvania (that’s where we are!) has been added to
the list of states reporting Chipotle-linked E. coli. It seems as if the taco
gods have finally punished us for secretly pouring soda into the water cups.
(12/03/15 10:00pm)
Yesterday, a monument to Goldman Sachs materialized in the
now hallowed corridors of Huntsman Hall. Ah, just the perfect post-Thanksgiving
reminder of what we should really be thankful for. Let us all praise our
holiest of banks, and let us sing together in joy:
(11/23/15 7:00pm)
It seems that Penn's Rhodes Scholar dry streak is finally OVER! Although Penn is constantly stacking up meaningless awards and rankings, this is certainly one we can all be proud of.
(11/09/15 2:58pm)
Sure, this weekend’s darty hopping was great and seeing your
big big back from the real world was SO totally awesome. But we’ve got even better
news that will hopefully brighten up your Monday: after extensive renovations,
Saxbys is finally reopening! And as part of their grand opening, they’re
serving free drip coffee and Cold Brew ALL DAY. The new space is sleeker,
sexier, and reportedly has a lot more outlets for those who found it impossible
to study at Saxbys in the past. Plus, the new café will have a large gallery
space featuring artwork from Penn Fine Arts seniors. Props to Saxbaes for
becoming a lot more Penn friendly!
(11/06/15 6:00pm)
You’ve probably heard of Penn’s intense rivalry with Princeton, but do you know just how intense it is? Did you know that during Homecoming the two archenemies battle it out in a duel for Ivy League supremacy? You probably didn’t, so here are ten other Penn rivalries that put the Penn vs. Princeton rivalry into perspective:
(10/30/15 7:57pm)
Alec Baldwin, seminal silver fox and perpetually
testy celebrity, just graced Van Pelt with his regal presence. “Future of Media” speaker
event attendees: your chance to stare at Baldwin’s Mykonos-sky-blue eyes and
hear his titillating, soothing voice is something others only dream of. While
he probably said some Jack Donaghy-esque nonsense, we still envy the holy
experience you must have had. Now, if only Tina will come to Penn next…
(10/14/15 7:58pm)
Chelsea Clinton – Ivanka Trump’s counterpart and, strangely enough, secret bff – is coming to Penn! Well, kind of. Next week, Mrs. Clinton will be stopping by Penn for a
summit held by Food Trust, an organization that encourages healthy food choices
and expands access to affordable, nutritious food. According to Food Trust, the
former first daughter will already be in Philly for a book tour.
(09/27/15 3:30pm)
This is truly what dreams are made of.
(07/18/15 3:00pm)
Who knew Sweetgreen was so cool? Our favorite campus staple
and fodder for betchy jokes has made it into the big leagues.