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Hey, Tiffany! Thanks so much for the invite to your birthday BYO this weekend. I can’t wait for forced interactions with people I barely know, sprinkled with some painfully awkward conversations about how we know you. Should be a fun time!
Oh, hey. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I guess right around three weeks, eh? That was when you invited me over at 2 am to watch a third of an episode of “Black Mirror” before promptly falling asleep, both of us fully clothed. I tried to be the little spoon and fall asleep with you, but you kept coughing and starfished the entire bed. So I went home.
Amazon recently announced the 20 cities remaining in the battle for HQ2, the tech company’s second headquarters in North America.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. Or at least it was amore, because it’s definitely not anymore.
The beginning of a new semester has so many new and exciting things in store: textbooks you won’t buy until the night before the midterm, cuties in your Math 114 recitation that sort of make the cross-country journey to DRL worth it, and pests living off of hoarded Skinny Pop and cheese balls in your dorm room (probably the same mice who were responsible for last semester’s nightly anxiety attacks).
Cool! Your GEOL 439: “Rocks Rock” class has a final project instead of an exam. You have to stay on campus until the 21st anyway because of that one damn statistics exam scheduled super late, but still, cool!
Hey, Mr. Bouncer, my man! How’s your night going so far? Mine’s pretty great. I actually came here from another bar with my other 21+ friends you see around me. Oh, you want to see my ID? The second piece of legal identification I obtained, the first one being my birth certificate? For sure!
“Why is my body moisture-free? I’m able to listen to whatever songs I want—good music, even— how is that? I’m surrounded by people I care about instead of people with whom I’ll create fabricated relationships in which we ignore each other except for on Friday and Saturday nights. But... Why?”
What Evan Parlucci (C ’21) initially thought was a trendy, convenient addition to his iPhone ultimately resulted in his rapid demise.
Ah, homecoming: a blur of red and blue, “LOL, school spirit!” Instagram captions, and excuses to binge eat Copa Spanish fries at 4 pm.
Pre-med freshman John McArthur (C ’21) was feeling jaded, to say the least. He was just railed by his sixth round of midterms last week, he spent his bank account down to $6.73 over the Halloweekend at a slew of downtowns, and his parents recently refused to continue funding his recent Juul addiction, which he’s actually in denial about. Yikes!
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and a basic apple orchard photo keeps the followers in awe!
Problem solving and chill is the new Netflix and chill, or so Wharton junior Jake Ellis thought when Stephanie* asked him to practice casing for their upcoming consulting interviews.
It's a tale as old as time: you're sitting in a nondescript Wharton class, thinking about ways you can tear your classmates down and destroy their futures, when the professor pulls out the classic: “Warby Parker is a great example of this...”. You snap out of your daydream, give a little eye roll to your friend, and make one addition to the vast amount of knowledge you have about this goddamn company.
Teddy
You know the drill. Stumble into Fro Gro in your pajamas on the hunt for something sweet. Replay your mom’s plentiful reminders to “watch your calorie intake because this isn’t high school anymore, sweetie.” Meander over to the frozen section. Feel wronged when the only Halo Top ice cream pint left is Strawberry. Ignore your mom’s pleas, buy the better tasting Ben & Jerry’s instead, eat the entire pint, and later realize you played yourself.
Ben Weiss (W ’19) was pumped to have already received an interview during his hunt for a summer internship. Granted, he didn’t actually submit an application and got it from his dad putting in a good word to a few of his buddies, but still counts!
Will Gomez (C’17) paraded with the masses last week to the Sheraton Hotel to (hopefully) figure out which company’s mission he’d have to prioritize over his social life for the next couple years. Fresh padfolio in hand and messenger bag on chest, he was eager to have some forgettable conversations at a career fair or two.
Katie Reinhart (C’19) thought junior year was going as well as it could be. Beginning her days by waking up in a cold sweat fearing the possibility of unemployment and ending them with an anti-aging serum, she was content. When figures in bulletproof vests were obstructing her social life, she had a great time getting rejected from Smoke’s and watching sweaty freshmen make out. Who says juniors are washed up? She was living life.
Craving a cultural dining experience outside of Meatless Mondays at Commons, but chose to spend late July not trolling Open Table for a dinner reservation? Didn’t have an idea it was Restaurant Week until six of your Snapchat friends added Stories documenting every course at the same restaurant?