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(10/31/14 2:45pm)
In an amazing turn of events, Jon Huntsman was at Smoke's last night! As much as we love that bar post-midnight, it's hard to say for sure what drew this handsome 54 year-old politician/diplomat/businessman to the old Smokey Joe's Cafe in the wee hours of a Friday morning. Could it have been the opportunity to party with a bunch of drunk Penn kids post-Madeon? Was he craving a $5 shot of Fireball? Was it the Halloween spirit of frightfully good times that drove him to do something genuinely absurd with his wife in tow? (She's not pictured, but reports show that both Huntsmans were there). Really the only thing that could have made this better would have been if he'd arrived in costume, but perhaps he's merely saving his energy for the Gutmann event of the Halloween season later this afternoon. Oh JMH, you keep doing you and killing it nightly – we hope to see you out later this evening!
(10/24/14 10:21pm)
It seems the leaves have finally reached the appropriate autumnal hue and there's just enough snap in the air to make every breath feel like a new beginning. That can only mean one thing -- it's family weekend!
(10/23/14 8:50pm)
So it seems a swarm of fruit flies has descended on the Commons' stash of rolls. One might not think that this basket of stale bread would be the #1 destination for flies, but apparently anything's possible. It's really almost a situation where you can't even be mad, just sort of disappointed. If only we could say that this was the first time something like this has happened, but alas. Still though, let's look on the bright side -- it's just a lil' extra protein! And realistically this could have been much, much worse.
(10/17/14 7:27pm)
Ah, the classic listserv mix-up. It's really a tale as old as time. Sometimes you're fooled into giving your social security number to hundreds of people, other times basic internet privacy somehow just escapes your grasp. Humiliating, but it happens to the best of us.
(10/14/14 9:30pm)
Are you worried about constant midterms, the eventuality of ebola, or the fact that it's bizarrely hot today? Whatever it is that's raising your blood pressure, this lovingly shot vid of our very own BioPond will surely calm you down. Who knew that such an oasis of tranquility existed right on Penn's campus! This three-minute long embodiment of peace was made as a project for a Video 1 class, and it's hard to imagine that it received anything less than an A .
(10/07/14 6:13pm)
Aww shoot, you guys. Although we've recently killed it in a series of arbitrary rankings, "science" seems to say that Penn students are still more insecure than other Ivy League kids. It's hard to say for sure whether or not this was a legitimate experiment, but when pitted head-to-head against Harvard students, Penn kids are more likely to play up the Ivy League status (read: annoy the people we're speaking with) than our counterparts at Harvard.
(09/21/14 7:31pm)
It seems about time that a Penn professor publicly reminds us that growing old is going to suck. It's something we've all suspected, but there's something pretty final about hearing it from bioethicist Ezekiel Emmanuel in The Atlantic. He has all sorts of fun graphs and neat statistics about things like "Declining Productivity" and "Functional Limitations" to help hammer home his point that the best age to die is 75. His argument is that by 50 you will have achieved everything great you ever will, so might as well kick the bucket before you get too old. Yikes.
(09/17/14 2:00pm)
In what's probably one of the vaguest invitations of all time, Her
Highness Amy Gutmann has cordially invited us all to celebrate
innovation at Penn's South Bank this October 31st. Um.........sure? Yeah, cool. Innovation! We do that! The event's gonna feature talks from Penn’s top brainiacs, researchers and professors. So...basically an afternoon lecture. Perfect for Halloween!
(06/18/14 4:00pm)
Despite some hurt feelings, it's important to put things like this in perspective. Did this conflict ever have the potential to become the next great hip-hop feud? Absolutely not. Would it have really ever happened without the presence of Twitter? Literally no. A physical confrontation between the artists could have been interesting, but nothing like that seems to have gone down. Regardless, it's summer, the whole shebang was kind of funny to virtually behold, and it concerns a former Quaker pal of ours, so read on after the jump, and maybe you'll learn a li'l something.
(06/10/14 10:27pm)
Ironically for some pot-smokers, "Insomnia" doesn't just refer to the company you order from when you need to eat a baker's dozen of cookies before passing out. Penn researchers have recently discovered that those who embark upon a relationship with weed before the age of fifteen may have difficulties sleeping later in life. The study, which was published in a thrilling new edition of the journal Sleep, examines participants who have reported struggling to fall asleep, difficulty maintaining sleep, experiencing non-restorative sleep and feeling sleepy during the day.
But do you know what people often do when they can't lure the scornful temptress of slumber? Smoke. Ah, yes--a self-perpetuating cycle. It's hard to say what to do when faced with a situation like this, but perhaps the best solution for insomnia-plagued child stoners could be to pass on grass and hunker down with a couple of cookies and a fresh copy of Sleep instead. Or not.
(05/29/14 3:32pm)
Finally, a renovation project to fly in the face of those who say nothing exciting happens at Penn over the summer! The 38th Street Bridge--aka The Locust Walk Class of 1949 Generational Pedestrian Bridge--aka The Bridge of Broken Dreams--will be closed so it can get a bit of a facelift this summer.
(05/20/14 7:28pm)
Elon Musk for Commencement Speaker 2015! Though their efforts are a bit premature, Penn15 is getting a move on with their Facebook petition for the Musker to speak at graduation next spring. Uh, guys? Commencement 2014 literally just ended. And it's unclear how liking a Facebook page will help tear a real-life Tony Stark away from his manufacturing of space vehicles, designing of electric sports cars and seducing of actresses, but if this page can help bring possibly the coolest person to have ever lived back to his old collegiate stomping grounds, it's definitely worth a 'like.'
(05/04/14 6:32pm)
In a twist of events, it turns out that the plates, cups, bowls and silverware that we've so cunningly stolen from the dining halls aren't, in fact, included in the meal plan--who knew?! Bon Appétit "Management" has thus requested that the depraved, black-hearted population of Penn pickpockets who've taken dishware over the past several months return those contraband items to a dining hall sometime soon.
This isn't the first time that Bon Appetit has shattered the dream of dining hall wedding china and it certainly won't be the last. The real question here, however, is whose job was it to take inventory of Penn's collection of constantly soaking-wet cups, plates, bowls and cutlery? The figure must have been just heart-wrenching enough to necessitate sending a (sort of adorable) mass email – complete with smiley in subject line – to people who will probably never read it. Bon Appétit – at least you tried! :)
(05/02/14 2:17pm)
Dean Funky Furda is at it again, this time with pizza for the masses! In the midst of finals stress, our fearless Furda realized that sometimes the best way to cut the academic tension in Van Pelt is with a hot slice of Allegros. What on earth could have possessed him to do this, you might ask? It could simply be that this man values a party, even if it's just another late-night RosenParty. There have been rumors that Allegros does, in fact, have its own delivery personnel, but Furda knows that if you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself. He can dance, he can sing, he can determine the fate of thousands of bright-eyed adolescents every year and deliver pizza -- is there anything this man can't do?
(04/17/14 2:59pm)
In case the image isn't quite clear, THIS IS A CATERPILLAR THAT WAS FOUND LITERALLY IN THE FOOD AT HILL. It's been a long time since first grade, but we don't remember our teachers saying that a chrysalis is often best constructed from tuna noodle casserole. Will this tasty lil' larva ever become a beautiful butterfly? Unclear. But all we can do besides never set foot in Hill again for the rest of our lives is hope for the best. Godspeed, insect friend, godspeed.
(03/31/14 7:24pm)
Snoozin' through the Fling floor pass lottery? Hope is not lost, friends! All you have to do is sacrifice your Instagram (and potentially your dignity) in a bizarre series of SPEC-sponsored contests Monday-Friday of this week and next. A pair of floor passes will be each day's prize. SPEC really wants you to work for this, so the contests won't be to win the passes themselves, but rather to win the vouchers to buy the two floor passes. Ugh, capitalism. Breakdown of the contest after the jump.
(03/25/14 2:30pm)
For anyone who's ever entertained the dream, nay, the fantasy, of wearing yoga pants out at night and still looking like a human, your time has finally come!
(02/24/14 5:21pm)
Apparently not all of Philly's dangers lurk north of Market, but rather exist in the form of giant panes of glass falling from the heavens — who knew? No one was hurt (this time) when a window bizarrely fell out of Addams Hall, but the second glass related incident of the week surely will inspire a coterie of jugular-slicing nightmares for those undergoing midterm stress. On top of everything else, now we must face the possibility of literally dying at the hand of enormous pieces of glass.
(02/17/14 4:10pm)
Ben Franklin probably didn't catch syphilis from a toilet seat, but why take that chance? At least that's what one cautious Quad-dweller seems to think as he/she ensconces the throne in flowing white. Though the methods may seem excessive, his or her commitment to protection is admirable. As (passive?) aggressively emphasized, this ain't just any podunk, garden-variety bath tissue, but rather some serious, four-ply Charmin Ultra. So while we may all have to pry some grimy ass-tissue from the seat every once in a while, at least this little restroom fiend does their business in style.