Completely Accurate Election Update

When asked what factor most influenced their vote, 38% of respondents said the catchiness of the candidate’s campaign slogan, 32% said the attractiveness of the candidate’s posters, 11% said the attractiveness of the candidate, 10% said, “Am I voting? Someone just shoved this computer in my face” and 9% said they just clicked on whichever name jumped out at them first. When asked if the candidates’ platforms had any effect on their vote whatsoever, 88% of respondents said, quote, “No.”

Respondents also had illuminating insight into the UA’s perception among the student body. In a shocking display of voter confidence, 37% of respondents said that the UA was only somewhat useless and 42% said that the UA was probably more effective than Congress. 12% of respondents had no idea what the UA was. When pressed, 30% of these respondents confessed to not knowing how to read and fled the booth while holding their books upside down.

Class Boards fared similarly, with 68% of respondents saying that while they voted for the incumbents partially out of a feeling of obligation, there was also a part of them that believed – really and truly – that the experience these seasoned candidates had earned during their time in office made them more prepared to handle the challenges of planning Feb Club events.

Of course, at this early stage, these races are too close to call. If you haven’t already, make sure to exercise your right as a student and vote!