Man With High Body Count Hoping Girlfriend is a Virgin

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Though he claims it really doesn’t matter to him, Wharton junior Eric Rothstein can’t help but hope his girlfriend is secretly a virgin. 

“I mean obviously girls don’t have to be virgins. I just think it’s better when people don’t have a history of sleeping around so much,” said Rothstein, who has had absolute scores of meaningless sex since freshman year.

“Sex is special, it’s a point of extreme intimate connection, and it’s a little bit sad to think that someone might have had that experience with someone else.” Rothstein told Under the Button. 

After viscerally describing his last sexual experience with a girl whose name he can’t remember, Rothstein simply sighed and smiled. “You know, there’s just something especially sacred about being with someone who has only been with you.”