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NEWS | UTB Staff Wednesday, Sept. 11, 2024Wed, Sep 11, 2024

Well, well, well, things have been a little too quiet since that brat camp out on college green. At least for now…

While you’ve been busy crafting your LinkedIn humble brag, I’ve been here, digging up who’s doing what and doing who. From the TA fucking your boyfriend to that sorority injecting each other with vodka in frat basements, if it happened at Penn, I already know about it. So keep refreshing Handshake, and try not to panic when you see your name. 

You know you love me.

Your favorite yapper’s favorite yapper

– Paige Sixx