Molly Wisor

Iran Announces New AI-yatollah, Nation’s First Chatbot Supreme Leader

The leadership change comes after weeks of deadly United States strikes on Iranian leadership.

Penn Football Rose Sale on Locust Triggers PTSD in University’s Nerds

“It felt like being shoved into a locker all over again.”

Kristi Noem Mistakes Pardoned Turkey for Dog, Shoots it

Butterball’s death marks the first pardoned Turkey fatality since the tradition’s advent in 1963, under the Kennedy Administration.

10 Things I Would be Grateful For if I Had Them

1. Dining room table in my apartment Where have my roommates and I been eating dinner, you ask? The couch.  2. Clean couch in my apartment  I like to play this game where I focus on a new square foot of the couch every day and imagine what might’ve stained it. The answer is always food.

Jealous of Mamdani's Virality, Philadelphia Mayor Cherelle Parker Searches for New Ways to Misspell "Eagles"

Penn in Washington Opens New Campus in Spokane

Students interested in the program are encouraged to reach out to their advisors with any questions. Applications for the spring cohort, which will be led by famous Spokane resident and critical race theory professor Rachel Dolezal, open on September 17th and close on September 17th. 

Breaking: Donald Trump (W '68) Stalls Saxby's Closing by 90 Days in Unprecedented Executive Order

Order comes amidst fears of coming closure.