Don’t Worry Seniors, You Still Have One Year to Make the Lifelong Friends You Haven’t Made Yet

You came into this world with so much hope. You believed that it would be different–that who you were in high school (friendless, geeky, super virgin, nerd) would no longer apply in college. You came to Penn expecting that you would find your wedding party, your future spouse, your utopic diverse friend group of smart, funny, and attractive people who would always have your back and would split the rent of a four person apartment with you in the Upper East Side of Manhattan after graduation. 

So you tried everything. You rushed Greek life. Got cut because you were off putting, lame, and uncool; there is obviously no other reason why people who definitely know you super well would cut you from rush. 

You talked to people in classes. Tried your hand at NSO events, SYO events, Smokes, Senior Smokes, pre-professional organizations, cultural organizations, university-sponsored social events–heck, you even asked your Harnwell RA to hang out once. 

They all rejected you.

So three years later, you still have no friends. 

Sure, you may have found some people to post on Instagram with. Maybe a few new commenters on your feed. “Omg girl, you look so pretty!” “slayyy queen”

They’ll all ditch you on Locust when they see their cooler friends on the horizon. You know it. I know it. 

You’re simply going to have to go without bridesmaids. 

You talk to your roommates sometimes. They leave their dishes in the sink and wait for you to wash them. You hate their guts.

But hope is not lost for you yet, washed-up seniors. You still have a chance. Two semesters, two chances to succeed. Maybe it’s not too late to get tapped for a senior society. That’ll fix everything.

Maybe everyone already has enough friends and nobody wants to make any more new friends. Yeah. That has to be it.