Wharton Boy Discovers It’s Not Normal to Keep Shirt on During Sex

Dearest Readers, 

It’s time. For too long, a Wharton boy hookup has been deemed the gold standard. You could even say best-in-class. But today, Under The Button unveils the truth. In this investigation, informed by our staff's experiences, we ask Wharton boys, what the fuck are you learning in BEPP? 

Our staff has finally mustered the courage to speak out, knowing many of you, readers, might have shared similar experiences. To set the scene: Saturday night. Time: midnight. Location: The Quad.

Your friends encouraged you to approach the door, you can do it. He opens it a crack, and you enter the room. "We have the room, my roommate said he would wait in the common lounge." He shuts the door behind you, as you take off your shoes. While you do so, he’s sitting on the bed, scrolling through Instagram reels.

"So, what are we gonna do?" you ask, sitting next to him. 

He shrugs. "Um, I’m ambivalent." Big word, especially for Wharton. After a prolonged silence, he finally leans in. 

Approximately six minutes later, (you kept track of time via the clock on his microwave), you pull back. 

"Um, I need a bit of a break."

You move away from his body that has been stationary thus far. He breaks the silence, "what else do you want to do?"

Logically, what happens next? Maybe some first base action. A hand under the shirt. No. Rather, you are greeted by the sound of his pants unzipping. You blink, and his pants are off. His shirt? Still? On? Why? Efficiency. Of course, efficiency is the key to success, as taught in MGMT 1010. You can imagine the rest. 

Let’s flash forward, or just wait a couple minutes. It’s over, and you say, "I feel really nauseous. I think I’m gonna throw up, I should leave."

"Okay," he says, as you climb off the bed, biting back your nausea. "Where do you live?" he asks.

"[**DORM REDACTED FOR PRIVACY**]"

"Oh, that’s kinda far… " he trails off. "I’ll walk you downstairs."

As a service to the community, UTB's Staff seeks to impart some lessons learnt from this scenario:

1. Shirt off first, then pants. It’s just proper order. 

2. Wharton boys are taught efficiency over effectiveness. Keep that in mind. All is better when you expect it. 

3. Gentlemen, walk the lady back home, no matter if you have to walk all the way to Riepe from Ware.