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(11/14/22 5:54pm)
Family weekend brings all kinds of parents to campus. Some want to see where their kid eats lunch, and some want to relive their college glory days by drinking beer with 20-year-olds. Either way, it’s the long-awaited event of the season for many. Even if your parents don’t come, it’s still an exciting time — you already know that your roommate is rich, now it's time to see if they also have a hot dad.
(09/09/22 3:33pm)
The results are in, and the science has spoken: barely legal girls just do it better.
(09/09/22 3:35pm)
On Monday night, freshman convocation for the class of 2026 came to an abrupt end when protestors arrived on College Green demanding that the administration take action to save the University City Townhomes. The UC Townhomes are some of the last affordable housing in University City, but with their recent sale by the owner, residents are scheduled to be forcibly evicted. Frustrated after years of being ignored by Penn administrators, protestors felt as though disrupting the event was their only chance to be heard as the eviction date rapidly approaches.
(04/13/22 10:56pm)
oscillating wildly
(04/07/22 6:42pm)
Once upon a time, things made sense and the world was fair. No one suggested that rich people somehow ‘exploited’ the working class, I got to go on vacations to Hawaii without someone on TikTok calling me a colonizer, and, most importantly, sophomores at Penn were not required to live on campus.
(04/11/22 3:23pm)
Throughout history, the darkest of times have created the greatest of heroes. When they were needed most, warriors of unbridled courage have risen to the occasion and served as sources of inspiration for us all.
(04/13/22 3:12pm)
Ding dong, the witch is dead! The University has ended its mask mandate in all indoor settings except the classroom. This shift in policy received bipartisan support from both the cool and lame alike, approved by every participant in Greek life on campus as well as all six members of Penn Republicans.
(02/23/22 5:34pm)
(*** CW: INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS/GREAT POWER SPOILERS ***)
(02/02/22 9:55pm)
Exciting news from an otherwise unremarkable town in the middle of a fairly boring state!
(02/03/22 3:01pm)
Hey besties! It’s that time of year again: cold! I know this is a rough season for all my hot girls out there. It’s cold, it’s dark, and wearing heels to a date night in the snow has officially been declared a threat to public safety. As if bundling up due to the weather isn’t bad enough, we’re constantly being pressured into covering up more and more! Suddenly it’s in the interest of “public health” and “the common good” for us to be wearing not one, but two masks.
(02/03/22 3:02pm)
Winter has officially arrived in Philadelphia, and plenty of students have been enjoying the recent snowy weather. As temperatures have dropped below freezing, most people have donned thick layers, coats, and hats and gloves. But not Dylan Bigmann (W ‘23).
(01/31/22 9:41pm)
Amy Wax, Penn Law professor and youngest of the three Weird Sisters, has a history of controversy surrounding some of her public comments. Most recently Wax has claimed that the United States would be “better off with fewer Asians,” although she noticeably ignored the fact that Penn Law has claimed the school would be better off with fewer arthritic racists.
(01/25/22 2:20pm)
Another heartwarming story took place in the Student Registration & Financial Services Office last week. SFS, known for their compassion and fast response times, generously gifted a struggling student a super cute pen totally free of charge!
(02/01/22 6:03pm)
If you are one of the hundreds of students struggling to find someone to sublet your off-campus apartment for the spring semester, you are not alone. Students planning on studying abroad in the spring have been shocked to discover that, after a year and a half away from campus and heavy travel restrictions in many overseas countries this past fall, there is practically no one who is only in need of housing for the second half of the year. A few very unhelpful economic majors have explained this as a problem with “supply and demand,” although this is a very complex topic that no one else could possibly understand.
(11/18/21 5:10pm)
You’re sitting on a couch at the lamest frat party you’ve ever been to. Music surrounds you, and it’s shit -- one of the brothers is playing experimental EDM from his SoundCloud. Finally, your friend approaches you and whispers something in your ear. You smile for the first time in hours and head to the bathroom, ready to snort powder off someone's phone case and enjoy your evening at last.
(11/18/21 5:07pm)
Based on the number of tables full of rowdy former theater kids that have been pitched on Locust Walk for the past few weeks, it is officially performance season at Penn. This means that all 34 ½ of Penn’s various premier a cappella groups have crammed into any room on campus that could feasibly be considered a performance venue in order to show off their semester’s work to an adoring audience of family, extended family, and extremely supportive friends.
(11/17/21 4:13am)
There is a new contender in the raging national debate over mask-wearing: Allegro Pizza and Grill. Yesterday, the popular campus spot announced that they would be banning masks indoors after 12:00 AM.
(11/05/21 8:43pm)
University administration recently commissioned an investigation into the electrical outlets in Van Pelt Library after receiving many complaints, and the results are good news for students. The report states that at least 80% of the outlets are fully functional, as long as they are not being used.
(11/09/21 3:08pm)
In a development that left many students saying, “Huh?”, it has been reported that the University of Pennsylvania does indeed have a football team. As it turns out, all of the 'athletes' seen around campus on scooters, in cutesy matching outfits, or in a Geology lecture, actually do play a sport for an organized and official team.
(10/28/21 12:09am)
Students last week were shocked to witness two men in the Perelman Quadrangle engaging in a traditional duel, complete with old-fashioned pistols. Even more surprisingly, one of the combatants was a student, and the other a professor. We caught up with the challenger, Alex Burr (C ‘24) after the duel to get the full story.