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Amy Gutmann has released a personal statement on the diversity of Penn’s student body for high school students considering matriculation. In a heartwarming YouTube video, she says:
Theresa Lee (C ‘23), who returned to her parents’ home in Bala Cynwyd, PA every weekend during the 2019-2020 academic year, recently admitted that she’s “actually starting to miss campus a little.”
One might say Penn President Amy Gutmann has achieved the American Dream. Once a first-generation college graduate, Gutmann has ascended to the upper echelon of society. She’s an Ivy League university president with a multimillion-dollar salary to boot.
Last week, Penn undergraduates received a strongly-worded email from Provost Wendell Pritchett, urging them to socially distance not only physically, but virtually: “Any student, student organization, or group of students found to be congregating on campus, or off campus, or on Animal Crossing: New Horizons, will face immediate intervention by Penn Police.”
In the midst of global panic about the outbreak of the coronavirus, Penn President Amy Gutmann received some surprising medical news of her own. She has been diagnosed with a rare neurological condition: she cannot read or comprehend text that is not in the form of a Change.org petition.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck!!!
It’s been a hard few weeks for a Feb Club ticket bot.
Penn Democrats has recently come under fire from conservative publication The Statesman for accepting student government handouts. Describing members as “freeloaders” and “welfare queens,” Statesman Editor-in-Chief Madeleine Jacobs (W ‘21) criticized the group’s status as a SAC-funded group.
In December, the Undergraduate Assembly began a pilot program for a nighttime shuttle to the Trader Joe’s grocery store at 22nd and Market. This project reflects a well-intentioned effort from the UA to respond to student needs and increase campus wellness. However, this shuttle service is not the best way to accomplish these goals. Penn students should instead have private helicopters to drop them off at Trader Joe’s, rather than a clunky, plebeian vehicle such as a shuttle.
New College House will be renamed as Lauder College House after a major donation from the Lauder family, which sources say dwarfed the New College family’s by nearly 10 times. The move sent New College patriarch Robert William New College II into a fury.
Penn should build the Seyoung Kim House.
Michaela Johnson (W ‘20, E ‘20) has spent her Penn experience bouncing comfortably from building to building between 33rd and 42nd, Market and Baltimore. While others in her social circle chose to explore the city of brotherly love and beyond, Johnson stayed firmly put — not even a sorority “LINvilla Orchards” event could coax her from campus. You might think that she would be nervous to graduate and leave the Penn bubble. You would be wrong.
Members of the Philadelphia chapter of the Eugenicist Values Interest League (EVIL) were spotted in the Towne Building attending a lecture of EAS 203, a mandatory course for all engineering students. Their initial enthusiasm, however, was quickly dampened by the actual contents of the lecture.
I know I'm short. I know you think I'm short. I can see how much you want to express it. By all means, go ahead. But please, there's no need to grab me under the armpits, squeeze the breath from my puny lungs, and spin me around 360 degrees to express that I'm short. Here are four other ways to do it.
From a young age, James Robinson (E '19, W '19) was always creating. His parents express fond memories of the Lego cities he built. "He was always tinkering with computers and things," Sandra Robinson, his mother, recalled. In high school, Robinson even built his own homemade vibrators and sold them to girls unsatisfied with their boyfriends, displaying a technical ingenuity and business acumen that made him a perfect candidate for the M&T program.
Life has been busy. Homework is endless. You were supposed to send those emails a while ago. You haven’t been to a club meeting in a month. If this describes you, do not fear. All is not lost.
Wawa water is not just for drinking. No, although there is no beverage more crisp and refreshing than this nectar of the gods, to pigeonhole Wawa water into the category of drink is to do it a grave disservice.
Freshman Jack Liu, a prospective CIS major, attended CIS 160 office hours on Tuesday evening to receive guidance on his homework. Unfortunately, he left more confused than when he entered.
Have you ever picked up your second chicken over rice of the day and thought to yourself, "Hmm... I wonder which hot, crowded, uncomfortable classroom I should eat this in?" Well, we've got five lecture halls where you'll be sure to make your classmates gag!
Hello,