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OP-ED: Penn Period Project Needs to Up Their Inclusivity (The Free Tampons Were Too Petite for My Monstrous Heavy Flow)

(11/08/22 3:49pm)

The other day when I found myself fighting battles in the 1920 commons bathroom, Penn Period Project’s container of free tampons was a welcome beacon of hope on that slick, off-white countertop of a horizon.  But my heart sank when I read that fateful word on the tampon’s packaging: regular.  Erm… as if there’s a “regular” type of period to have.  Do I only deserve proper menstrual care if the heaviness of my womanly flow fits society’s rigid concept of normality (which, I assure you, it does not)?  But I digress.  I had just regained my composure when I glimpsed the sign reading, “Got your period? We’ve got you!” as if to mock me and my untamable, tsunamic crimson tide.  Needless to say, I left in tears.

If Professor Old, Then Why Sexy?

(02/15/22 2:43pm)

It’s a Tuesday afternoon. You make the hajj to the fourth floor of College Hall, devastatingly winded by the act of walking up more than one flight of stairs. You are so eager to learn whatever it is this class is about that fulfills the history & traditions sector.  The moment you walk into class, you are greeted by your certified DILF (or GILF, if we are being precise): Dr. Albert Bernard, who is flicking the lights on and off in an attempt to turn on the projector. 

OP-ED: They Should Just Stack the High Rises on Top of Each Other

(02/02/22 11:40pm)

If there’s one thing I love about the University of Pennsylvania, it’s the high rises. Nothing screams Ivy League like 25 beige stories studded with sparsely dispersed windows, adding some much-needed cement to the historical West Philly landscape. The high rises are truly an outstanding architectural feat, and it’s no wonder second-year students are eager to pay $15,418 for a breathtaking view—either of the Philadelphia skyline or of one of the other high rises.