Punny, Penn-y Valentines Day Cards: Part VIII
(02/14/20 6:34am)
In case that last bunch didn't do it for ya (didn't I do it for you?).
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In case that last bunch didn't do it for ya (didn't I do it for you?).
Another year, another round of sexy, sexy UTB Valentine's Day cards for that special someone. Be sure to check out part 2.
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve heard the old adage “if you’re facing tough times just go get a vibrator and all your problems will be solved.” My mother told it to me, and she heard it from her mother before that. But I’ve been skeptical — after all I’m not like those other girls, and I crave the emotional intimacy that only a sexual encounter with a human person can give me. Or, at least I thought so before I got my very own clit-sucking vibrator.
Reports are in that the incredibly awkward, and borderline traumatic, interaction you just had with a friend of a friend was not your fault at all you free spirit phoenix.
In a historic first, Period. End of Sentence. has won an Oscar for the second year in a row, with the Academy recognizing the movie as, “so good.”
Under the Button fans are loyal. You've laughed with us, you've smirked with us when the joke was fine but, like, not amazing, and you've gotten concerned for us when it seemed like our writers were letting it all hang out! Our die-hard fans know — sometimes, UTB writers seem very sad and not ok : (.
After the final straw of only drinking one beer and two shots of fireball over the entire course of a club BYO and a Kappa Psi late night, friends of Kelsey Thompson (C ’21) decided it was time to step in.
Penn has long been committed to listening to the broader West Philadelphia community. Although students often wrongfully question this claim—referencing the planned clearances of communities along Walnut, the double standards in the policing of Penn students and young people in West Philadelphia, and Penn’s unwillingness to pay PILOTS—Penn does so much in some ways.
In a much-anticipated announcement, Amy Gutmann told students this Friday that the school is planning to put an even bigger television in Perry World House.
Early Sunday morning, Penn Pan-Hellenic assuaged community concern, clarifying that the rush system, wherein Susan Kornblatt of Kappa Gamma gets to rank freshman girls by her own perceived notion of their value, is actually feminist.
With just two weeks left before the end of the term, Juniors across Penn are getting ready to pack up their things and head to the great and wild ‘abroad.’ To commemorate the occasion, students will host their standard goodbye get togethers to say ‘cheerio’ to their friends and lovers.
With a single click and a sly smirk, 22-year-old, recent college graduate, Becca Lindenberg, finally got around to updating her LinkedIn profile. Now, everyone would know Becca is a full-time analyst working on McKinsey’s Concentration Camp Efficiency team, helping ICE detain migrant families in the cruelest ways possible.
Hey funky ladies. You thought classes could only double count? Nah-uh, sweet face. That’s what they want you to think. Here’s the one class that quattuordecuple counts for all 14 of those foundational requirements and sector requirements.
Homecoming weekend brought back to this fine university alumni from all walks and corners of life. From Wall Street to the Upper East Side and to the black Escalade which shuttled them to and fro, Ivy-League graduates from a time before the present returned to their alma mater to get fucked up and reflect upon their life-altering times here.
Friday afternoon, two Democratic candidates, neither of whom are Elizabeth Warren, are set to speak on campus — as if I care.
You could say that I’m a feminist. I go to the Vagina Monologues. I only watch lesbian porn. I only flinch a little when girls ask me to go down on them. And when my girl and I are getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, I’m not afraid to gasp “Mommy!” when she’s treating me right.
SHS doctor Karen Gupta is going off AGAIN about how its syphilis and you really need to consistently take your antibiotics if you want to treat the open sore on your scrotum.
It's a classic Boomer move to think gen Xers don’t already understand the realities of our world. Like ok Boomer, as if your daughter doesn’t already know you cherish your relationship with her not only as a daughter but also as a friend.
It is truly a rags to riches story. Imagine: One day Eric is posing with Lily Aldridge at a Bulgari party in Venice but is not a billionaire. The next moment, he is posing with Lily Aldridge at a Bulgari party in Venice and is a billionaire. It almost makes me tear up when I think about it.
After three shots of fireball in her sorority sister’s apartment, Rebecca is reporting she’s actually pretty gone right now.