“Anyone else smell fish?” asked a concerned bystander.
Two authors offer compelling viewpoints regarding the ongoing UC Townhomes controversy.
The news comes only weeks after reports that Penn alumnus Mehmet Oz (Med, W ‘86) directed medical experiments which led to the deaths of over 300 dogs.
“Ending the University’s support of fossil fuels has always been a priority of ours,” she said as the Board of Trustees giggled behind her.
“We project that [Josh Williamson’s] life satisfaction will truly reach a global maximum at 2:23 am tonight,” says Dr. Michael Harrison, director of the Center for Lost Connections and Lifelong Regrets.
“Long live Xi Jinping Thought!” proclaimed Liz Magill.
The new curriculum was made possible due to a generous endowment from the Ponzi Foundation.
55% of the freshman class identifies as BIPOC (Businesspeople, Investors, People of Capital).