Super Bowl 2K14: An Eating Game

You're not fooling anyone. We know your ass is only at that Super Bowl party for the wings. Lucky for you, UTB nixed the usual drinking game  for the world's first Super Bowl EATING game. After all, why would you want to just get regular wasted when you can get pizza-wasted? Happy tweeting n eating!

• Every time someone makes a reference to Washington and Colorado being pot states, smoke a super bowl. Puff, puff for every completed pass. Count the hash marks on the field. Did you know XLVIII actually stands for 420? Sorry, we're done.*
• GoDaddy's commercial leaves you disgusted but also fascinated: slurp your drink really loudly in memory of this gem.
• Something important happens and everyone is screaming and you have no idea what's going on: eat a chip. If you're busy with a mouth full of nacho cheese no one will notice you're a fraud.
• Camera angle trickery fails and Bruno Mars' super-shortness becomes apparent: finish your slice.
• Wardrobe malfunction: eat a red hot chili pepper.
• Hit the brownies early when the guy you're hooking up with gets really into the game and forgets you exist.
• Technical difficulties: fistful of Cheetos.
• Aggressively crunch a Frito for every clever Doritos commercial.
• Two handfuls of two kinds of chip for every fumble, double down if it was actually game-changing, quadruple down if it was during 4th down
• Double-dip when everyone is too busy watching the game to notice.
• Eat one of everything in the immediate vicinity for every commercial that makes you laugh-cry, two of everything if you cry-cry.
• DO NOT EAT ANYTHING WHEN SOMEONE MENTIONS LAST YEAR'S BEYONCE PERFORMANCE OUT OF RESPECT FOR THE FALLEN.
• Someone mentions homework: violently spit out whatever you're eating.
• Touchdown: consume your entire weight in cheese.