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Sick: This Wharton Freshman Just Nailed that Personality Quiz


Photo by Giang / CC BY 2.0

Read it and weep, suckers.

Chase Bennett (W'21) walked out of class on Friday a new man. He had just totally aced that personality test and there was no question that it made him look like an ideal employee/LinkedIn connection.

"We've got to take personality quizzes in virtually every Wharton class," Bennett told UTB in an exclusive interview. "This is the first of many to come and honestly, I fucking crushed it."

It's true. Sources familiar with the matter have confirmed that Bennett did indeed "fucking crush it." In a superhuman feat, he was able to select the correct responses to an exam with no right answers.

His process was simple. He worked from an ideal outcome and reverse-engineered his answers so that he arrived exactly where he wanted to. "I wanted to look strong yet kind, bold but a good listener, and both a Pisces and a Gemini," Bennett explained. He certainly succeeded, but what was his motive?

"I have an incredibly shitty personality that I've been told repeatedly that I need to work on," he said with a sigh. "This brings me one step closer to that goal."

In the past, Bennett has been told that he lacks honesty and integrity and that he would do anything to get ahead no matter what the costs, including completely changing who he is to adapt to the situation. He hopes that if he nails enough personality tests, eventually he'll become less of an awful person. 

"If I can just cheat on enough personality quizzes, people will finally realize what an honest and genuine person I am," Bennett told us with great optimism.

The one personality trait on the exam he hasn't quite gotten down is self-awareness, but we're sure he'll figure that one out sooner or later.