Roadrunner, Risk-Taker, Entrepreneur, and Other Ways to Tell Your Family You Dropped Out This Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time to be grateful, but it also seems to be the one day your entire family decides to ask way too many questions. Like how's school going, do you have a girlfriend yet, followed by is there anything you want to tell us buddy? Like damn, I would be grateful if you got off my back. So if you are exhausted, cornered, and trying to figure out how to break some heavy news this year, here are six impressive sounding roles you can drop at the table that Granny and Gramps are definitely not going to question.

1. Roadrunner

Say you're focusing on speed, discipline, and “personal optimization.” They will not know what that means, but it sounds positive enough to move on.

2. Risk Taker

Frame everything you are doing as intentional high-reward risk-taking. Family loves the word intentional. I am intentionally investing all my savings into this budding marketing company because there are not enough of those and this one, oh boy, this one I know is going to be revolutionary.

3. Entrepreneur

Roll out the 'r's a little extra when you say it, it's French, they'll get it. 

4. Stealth Startup Founder

If anyone asks for details, tell them you can’t share yet. Instant silencer. 

5. Matrix Escaper

You're stepping outside the traditional path and focusing on “independent thinking.” It sounds deep enough that nobody will admit they don’t get it. They’ll just nod slowly and change the subject.

6. Stoic King

This one takes no effort. Just shrug and stare somewhere past the mashed potatoes like you’ve ascended beyond small talk. Make sure you’re wearing a hoodie for maximum effect, intently look up as if an idea dawned on you and revert back to the original point of fixation once you feel you've seeded curiosity in your mom's mind... Did I give him too much Tylenol when he was little? She might think and reflect on her own actions instead of yours. 

Use these wisely — try the same shit at Christmas and you’re getting flamed.