Student Staring at Girls in Pottruck Just Anthropology Major

Campus fears were quelled last Tuesday upon the discovery that the student seen staring at girls exercising in Pottruck was simply an anthropology major. 

Complaints reported a young man dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, standing in the corner of the second floor weight room and staring at women exercising. Though alarming at first, onlookers quickly realized that the binoculars in-hand and camera roll populated with photos of sweaty girls were not the signs of a pervert but rather just an anthropologist. 

"The job of the anthropologist is one of the most difficult," said Professor Rherst who currently leads a first-year seminar introducing the experiential methods of Anthropology. "To observe others is to observe oneself. To observe oneself is to observe God. And to observe God is unknowable. This is why I encourage all my students to observe their community of choice carefully, slowly, penetratingly."

The student, Ben Brenner (C '25), has been deemed a rising star of the Anthropology department -- noted for his ability to focus on the minutiae of specific communities while blocking out any superfluous observations. Sources say this is why Brenner took a particular interest in women doing specific exercises, almost exclusively focusing on freshman squatting and using the hip-thrust machine.

Evidently, the University of Pennsylvania should be proud to have such students dedicated to their craft. At press time, another of Rherst's students had begun a project observing the night-time patterns of college-aged young adults; namely, by looking out from the Harrison roof-top sky-lounge into the open windows of bedrooms in Harnwell.