I Got Roofied at 1920 Commons: My Story

Last week, I was enjoying a peaceful solo dinner at Penn’s sceniest dining hall when I was approached by a well-dressed older man. Removing his cape, he explained that he was a count from Transylvania, and offered to buy me a drink. When I explained to him that college dining halls don’t tend to serve alcohol, he simply laughed, and with a wave of his hand, a White Claw Surge appeared on the table. I was charmed. 

We talked late into the night, the count’s pale skin and unusually sharp teeth illuminated beautifully by the fluorescent overhead lighting. Sipping my White Claw Surge and gazing into his bloodshot eyes, I began to swoon. Is this what love feels like? No, probably not. I proceeded to fall unconscious and awaken in a dark, velvet-clad room. What on earth had happened? Where on earth was I? I checked Google Maps and was shocked to discover that I was inside the historic Bran Castle in the Eastern European region of Transylvania. And it was Thursday! I had a midterm to take! I frantically hurried out of the castle and called an Uber to Harrison College House. Luckily I was able to make it just in time to clean all the blood off of myself and rush to DRL to take my abstract algebra midterm.

Upon reflection, I’m not actually that mad about the whole roofie situation — I’ve always wanted a chance to see Eastern Europe. However I have developed a nasty biting habit since then. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind, though! He freaky like that.