Do I Deserve More or Less? A Reflection on My Penn Experience

Every night before I fall asleep in my high-rise shoebox of a room, I ask myself a question: do I deserve more, or do I deserve less?

Take clubs, for example. I applied to fourteen this semester. I deserved more interviews. But, I suppose, I also deserved less self-respect, since twelve of them have already told me multiple times they had no intention of letting me in. They stopped emailing with “Thank you for your interest” and have resorted to “PLEASE STOP! We will file for a restraining order!”

At the dining hall, I deserved more than a single lifeless semblance of a scoop of pasta drowning in Alfredo. Yet I also deserve less, because I still went back for seconds, thirds, and fourths, piling up my plates without tossing the scraps or bothering to put the cutlery in their designated sink. 

As for academics? I deserved more than a 67 on my Econ midterm. Why? Because I do, okay. But then again, I deserved less, because I genuinely believed that dedicating at least two hours of reel-time before bed was essential for my mental and physical well-being. 

Even socially: I deserved more invites to parties. I am social, I am fun. But I also deserved less, because apparently it is wrong to leave a frat with chouse's composites and collecting them as artwork for my dorm.

Maybe that’s the point. Maybe Penn itself is the great equalizer. Everyone here deserves more, and everyone here deserves less. And at the end of the day, what we actually get is… I don’t know, actually. You tell me.