Horse Girl Disappointed to Find There Was No Dressage at Farm

SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE OF PHILADELPHIA — Freshman Olivia Smith had a rude awakening Saturday afternoon. She had been excitedly looking forward to Farm all week, after hearing about the event from her across-the-hall neighbor who insisted it was "the event of the semester." Olivia even reasoned that the steep ticket cost was worth it, because equestrian events usually come with a certain price tag. 

Earlier that morning she put on her riding boots, khaki breeches, and navy jacket. She considered bringing her helmet, but then figured that the stables would definitely have one for her to borrow. At first, she had been confused when her friend dragged her to a pre-game and handed her cans of Surfsides, and other girls wore sundresses and cowboy boots. The drinking continued on the yellow school bus they entered, but she figured maybe the lead-up to a horse show was different in college, and that maybe not all of the girls were riding.  

Finally, they arrived at the rolling hills of Farm and entered into a renovated barn. Frat brothers cosplaying as farmers, wearing overalls and straw hats, sang Zach Bryan songs, and girls in the crowd drunkenly swayed along. When was the competition supposed to start? 

Olivia walked outside but she couldn't find any stables, much less a horse. Disappointed and discouraged, she sat down and spent the rest of the time scrolling through pictures of her horse, Vanderbilt, who she left in Connecticut and missed every single day.