Palm Beach Here We Come! Mamdani Wins, We Move!

UPPER EAST SIDE, MANHATTAN — The parents of numerous Penn students were urgently calling moving companies Wednesday morning, frantically looking for people to help them ship their belongings south to Florida. Some families had already pre-packed certain items like wedding china and portable coolers filled with their GLP-1 medications. 

Under the Button had the chance to interview a group of undergraduate students who now consider Florida their home state following the election of Zohran Mamdani as mayor of New York City. Many said their families had been anticipating his victory, and as a result pre-emptively bought property in places like Palm Beach and Miami. 

One sophomore, speaking anonymously, added, "I mean, New York is ruined. My dad gave like $300,000 to Cuomo but even that didn't make a difference." She expressed sadness about having to leave the neighborhood she grew up in, but remarked that her family still had "the Southampton house and ranch in Jackson Hole."  

Generally, the students polled by Under the Button felt that their home city had let them down. One junior said he was confused because "rent in the City isn't even that bad," and Zohran was "a freaking communist." But, he added that he was excited for his family's move to Palm Beach because it had everything you could ever want: "an Equinox next to a Joe and the Juice." 

It remains to be seen whether or not more nervous New Yorkers will move South in a mass exodus and how this might affect Penn. Either way, it seems many students will now be flying instead of taking the train home for Thanksgiving.