“At the Age of 60, My Vision Has Significantly Worsened”: Visual Studies Professor Explains Risks of Major

The University of Pennsylvania offers certain majors involving immense danger in order to protect the well-being of others. Penn Nursing students are taught how to hold other people’s lives in their hands, all while risking their own health. Penn Carey Law students determine the future of American rights, facing the threat of an increasingly fascist country. And while their contributions might not seem burdensome to most, the oft-ignored  Visual Studies majors live with the greatest risk of all.

After visiting the eye doctor and being diagnosed with a minor astigmatism, 60-year-old University visual studies professor Vishon Airey remarks that those in the major face the most pertinent risk: sacrificing their own body for academia. 

Professor Airey remembers the good old days: every time he visually studied a nerd with glasses, he would pick them up by the ankles, shake the money out of their pockets, steal it, and then shove them into a locker or trash can. That all came to an end when the Penn administration threatened to fire him for harassing the student body. But now that the professor has entered his prehistoric age, he has learned a new sense of empathy and an ability to suppress unparalleled anger.

UTB attempted to contact Professor Airey’s eye doctor to discuss his health; they replied that disclosing his files would violate patient confidentiality. Due to these unforeseen circumstances, UTB broke into the office and stole Airey’s medical records. There, we found that his astigmatism was not severe and that he really only needed blue light glasses to look at screens. 

When asked, the optometrist stated they had no idea what visual studies is. 

Besides his worsening vision, Professor Airey noted several other risks associated with his major that can negatively impact someone’s life:

1. Eye strain.

2. Blurriness of vision.

3. Witnessing a living human die in front of you and not feeling a single thing about it. No shock, no sadness, just plain indifference. No matter how many angles, perspectives, or points of view, neither empathy nor sympathy towards the victim clicks for you.

4. Unemployability.