OP-ED: Penn Is Not On Indian Land

I can't be the only one confused right? India is on a completely different continent. These so-called "land acknowledgements" aren't even acknowledging the right thing. Ever since the renaming of Indian people to "indigenous people" and the renaming of Christopher Columbus to Christopher "Indigenous People's," I've had so many questions.

Why no British land acknowledgements? Or Chinese land acknowledgements? After all, American land was British land at one point in our history. Likewise, American land will be Chinese by 2030.

To find the answer to these questions, I asked my Indian friend.

"I'm Native American, not Indian."

"But aren't Native Americans from India?"

"What?"

The more I probed, the more inconclusive answers I got.  I asked another friend.

"I'm Chinese."

Again, inconclusive answers.

To fix these errors, I present a solution: Indian colonialism. If we submit ourselves fully to India and all the Indian people in our lives, we will be correct in our acknowledgements and live happily in peace with the world and everyone will love each other. Penn will finally be on Indian land.