A New Age: Sammy Becomes Primarily Presbyterian Frat

In a land of increasing competition between Jewish fraternities at Penn, where young Jewish boys looking to join fraternities are propositioned from all sides by many entities, Sammy has lost its position as a Jewish fraternity at Penn and will be forced to take an entirely Presbyterian class this semester. All Sammy brothers refused to comment, however, cross rushes of Jewish fraternities made it clear that the ominous presence of entirely Presbyterian rushes at all Sammy rush events eventually drove them away to other newly-majority Jewish organizations such as OAX, Crows, and DSP.

The heavily present Presbyterian population at Penn, operating out of the Presbyterian Penn Center (also known as the PP Center), were unilaterally driven to join Sammy due to its strong brotherhood, central house location, and close proximity to the similarly newly Presbyterian previously Jewish Greek life organization SDT. A Presbyterian Sammy brother who had initially recruited the entirely Presbyterian pledge class told UTB, “Yeah, I just really wanted the Presbyterian community at Penn to have a fraternity that we could congregate in and use as our way to spread love for Presbyterian values at the University of Pennsylvania.”

Furthermore, due to the very strong interpersonal ties of the very large Presbyterian community at Penn, Sammy will be forced to take entirely Presbyterian pledge classes for the foreseeable future.