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Writing Seminars To Become Even More Robotic

(07/22/09 3:42pm)

Whether you love them or you hate them, writing seminars are at the core of the Penn experience. After churning out endless drafts and descriptive outlines, students often debate whether they got value out of the experience. Many say they've learned nothing that they can apply to their future college writing, while others find the skills they've learned to be extremely valuable.

Bueller, Anyone?

(06/25/09 8:48pm)

Tonight, just a short walk across the Walnut Bridge, the Schuylkill River Development Corporation will be showing Ferris Bueller's Day Off for free. Just head to 25th and Walnut around dusk, then scuttle under the bridge and enjoy comparing Matthew Broderick now to Matthew Broderick then (see right). For more information, check out Philly Fun Guide.

Because We Love Free Stuff

(06/17/09 2:39pm)

Penn students probably spend more money in one trip to the bookstore than your average sorority girl has ever spent at American Apparel. Every semester, miserable Quakers trek to 36th and Walnut, swearing that this will be the year that they actually keep up with their reading rather than letting that $70 econ book sit and collect dust. And at the end of the semester, that mint condition book fetches us about $5.50.

Water With A Kick, For Free!

(06/08/09 1:03pm)

We've heard word that some folks from Crystal Light (you know, the low-calorie fake juice/tea/etc. company?) will be cruising around Philadelphia in colorful convertibles today giving away free bottles of water and Crystal Light. We also have it on good authority that one of their stops is going to be somewhere on Penn's campus, some time between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. While we're not so much about the shameless product promotion (or are we?), they claim that their goal is to challenge people to drink more water by using "refreshing and flavorful Crystal Light," and we're all about staying hydrated.

The Only Time You'll Ever See "Drexel" and "Fashion" Together

(06/04/09 4:07pm)

Confession: for most people, summer at Penn is not all it's cracked up to be. Sure, you've got Summer Street to look forward to every Thursday, and it's perfect weather for gelato, but July and August are brutal, and the campus feels dead and empty aside from the tourists and prospective students gawking at buildings on the walk.

Hail To The "Unmotivated, Irresponsible, Not Too Bright"

(06/03/09 10:59am)

The first summer session officially kicked off last week, with more students than ever choosing to stay on campus and suffer for six weeks instead of lounging by the pool or hobnobbing with NYU grad students. While we're not sure whether this represents a renewed commitment to education or the failure of Penn's reputation to secure internships in such a competitive job market, we here at UTB sympathize with your suffering, Summer Quakers. Here's to you.

Just Claim You're Studying For Your Spanish Exam

(05/05/09 2:05pm)

Today marks one of Mexico's most misunderstood holidays: Cinco de Mayo. Thought by naive gringos to be Mexican's Independence Day (it's not), the occasion was co-opted by Mexican-Americans and has turned into more of a Mexican Saint Patrick's Day than a celebration of the Mexican army's victory in 1862. Regardless, it is a festive day loved and enjoyed by college students the world over, and UTB finds it incredibly unfortunate that what should be a day of raucous debauchery and revelry has to fall during finals.

Metro's Free Food Giveaway

(04/22/09 2:58pm)

Metropolitan Bakery & Cafe, that trendy coffee shop on 40th and Walnut with a distinctive blend of fair-trade coffee and hipster pretension is ushering in the last week of classes with a five-day 5th anniversary celebration. Sure, Metro staffers frequently rival McDonald's employees when it comes to rude service, but they've got great pastries and a wonderful tea selection, so we're willing to overlook it (it also helps that they're located next-door to the DP/Street office). Besides, their anniversary drawing (which, according to a barista, you can enter as many times as you'd like) offers some great giveaways of free food that we just can't overlook.

Disney Is A Little Bit Racist?

(04/01/09 5:49pm)

As a member of today's generation, we experienced the Disney Renaissance of the 90's that brought us a whole host of new classics. Where would we be without the inspiring story of The Little Mermaid or the Oscar-nominated grandeur of Beauty and the Beast? Sure, Disney gave us unreal expectations about love and life, but if that was the extent of the psychological damage we suffered from The Lion King, we were willing to accept that. Besides, today's youth should be so lucky.

Greenpeace: Saving The Earth One Bush At A Time

(03/25/09 7:24pm)

If you're a regular to the Starbucks on 34th and Walnut (or if you have the misfortune to live across the street at Hill), it's a safe bet that you've been harassed by Greenpeace canvassers. Sure, most of us choose to ignore them, put off by their piercings in places that we honestly didn't think could be pierced. When they get you with that "do you have a minute to save the environment?", we feel intense pangs of guilt as we pretend to be horribly late for an appointment but promise to do our part later. It's rare that we actually stop and chat-- and now that we're in a recession, even rarer that we give up our cash to donate to their cause.

From Hogwarts To Harvard...But Really Yale

(03/02/09 2:47pm)

There's only one group of people that the Ivy League schools love more than trust fund babies: celebrity students. Columbia has James Franco, Harvard had Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones, and it appears that Yale might soon have Emma Watson. Indeed, Hermione was accepted to Yale, which means that all of those smug Elis might get to party with the hot actress next year, while Penn is becoming increasingly like a jealous Muggle sister (Petunia Dursley, Nursing '88?). We mentioned Emma's Ivy tour -- which notably excluded Penn -- back in October, and as admissions decisions continue to be released, we'll be keeping our eye on the celebrities and their children who might be gracing us with their presence next year.