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"Food Nowadays has too Many GMOs," Says Junior, Regular Cocaine User

(12/02/17 5:40pm)

Genetically modified organisms, or GMOs, are crops that have been genetically engineered for various reasons. They are so common nowadays that it is often hard to avoid them in place of organic foods. One junior, however, is adamantly taking a stance against the domineering presence of these genetically engineered foods on the shelves of grocery stores. Sara Clemson, a junior studying Cinema Studies in the college, strictly eats organic food items and finds GMOs absolutely awful.

Report: Over Half of Student Body Participated in Blacked Friday

(11/30/17 3:55pm)

The Holiday season is in full swing, and folks everywhere are enjoying the annual festivities. According to a new report, Penn students pulled out all the stops to celebrate this year. Only one third of all Americans participated in Black Friday shopping, however when Penn students were asked about their involvement with holidays this season, over 50% of respondents reported getting “blacked” this past Friday!

Tuition Hike Expected After Gutmann Loses $50 Million in Bets on Harvard-Yale Game

(11/20/17 8:32pm)

Penn is already one of the least affordable universities in the United States, and after this latest development, it may be getting more expensive. This past weekend, the University’s funds took a major hit when Amy Gutmann lost 50 million dollars in various bets on the Harvard-Yale football game. In order to cover these losses, tuition for each undergraduate is expected to increase by 5 percent.

Student 'Loves Penn's Urban Setting,' Has Not Left Campus in Two Months

(11/17/17 5:32pm)

Penn’s campus—beautiful, compact, and in the nation’s fifth-largest city—offers students an urban setting combined with a campus feel. In the heart of West Philadelphia, students have the unique opportunity of interacting with a diverse population of over one million. Together they share ideas, promote causes, and discover new interests. One senior says that this combination was a major reason she came to Penn. “I love the duality of an urban setting and an Ivy League Campus,” said Sara Knoell (C ‘18). "I try to explore it once every few years."

Close Call! Heist Thwarted by Third Layer of Protection on Quad Bathroom Doors

(10/26/17 9:13pm)

Quad residents all over can let out a huge sigh of relief after hearing this news! Disaster was averted today when three robbers fell short of their goal to break into the Quad. After the trio hacked into the PennCard System, added a malicious access code, and manufactured a counterfeit magnetic stripe that feigned that of the PennCard, it was only a matter of making it past the second round of security to get into the freshman houses. This was child’s play: the robbers were able to enter the maintenance tunnels using a ladder. Then, using a small pickaxe between the vacant hours of 3AM to 5AM every day for the past month, they were able to bore a hole through the foundations of the tunnel that landed them right on the first floor of Coxe. However, this is where the crooks ran into an unprecedented obstacle: the Riepe third floor Bishop White bathroom was locked.

Medical Mystery: Penn Students Fifteen Times More Likely to Have ADHD Than National Average

(10/19/17 4:00am)

A new study has unveiled quite the medical marvel in Penn’s student body: Penn’s students are fifteen times more likely to have ADHD than students at any other University. Students are quick to point out that having a disproportionate amount of students with ADHD forms an extremely tight-knit community. When studying in the library, if a student forgets their Adderall at home, all they have to do is turn to their neighbor and they can be sure that they’re covered. No need to feel embarrassed asking—it’s a total no-judgement zone. 

Study: Students Can Triple Their Amount of Sleep by Sleeping Instead of Complaining About Lack of Sleep

(10/17/17 9:05am)

A recent study conducted by Penn’s Psychology Department has revealed some major news for the undergraduate population! The average student, according to head researcher Ana Mikovitz, “sleeps for just 3 hours a night and whines for 6 hours a day about how tired they are.”

Inspirational! Student Drops by Office Hours to Motivate His Classmates by Telling Them How Well He is Doing

(10/13/17 5:15am)

The first midterm season is just about concluding, and students all over campus are stressing out about test results. For many strugglers, this entails extra studying and plenty of visits to office hours. However, there's often one outlier at these office hours: Engineering sophomore Arjit Hemad. Though he scored at least two standard deviations above the mean on all of the exams he took this year, he still shows up to all of his office hours just to rub it into his classmates' faces!