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The fall semester has just started, and that means that recruiting season is upon us. In the next few months, hundreds of Penn undergraduates will be selling their souls to companies like Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, and any other combination of two Jewish surnames.
With a new semester come new friends, new classes, and of course, new protests. Some protesters come and go, like the religious preachers, but other groups are much more committed.
For some, the first days of college mark an uncomfortable time for students to reconcile their own identities with a dramatic change of settings. For incoming freshman Chris Richards, however, it’s an opportunity to completely change his personality to become the stud he always wanted to be.
It has been a very sombre day in the life of rising College senior Jessica Ingram.
Looks like FroGro won’t be shutting down after all.
William Fisher appears to be completely useless. This summer, he was provided with an incredible gift: no problem sets, no midterms, and no commitments. Given an incredible opportunity to relax, go outside, and enjoy the summer, Fisher has decided to turn down all these opportunities in exchange of something much more boring.
Martin Wang’s entire life appears to be one big fraud. Anonymous sources tell UTB that the rising Wharton junior, who told all of his friends that he would be spending the summer working as an “analyst,” is really spending his summer washing dishes.
Walking around Huntsman Hall, you’re likely to see a lot of influential people. Future bankers, consultants, hedge fund managers, and if you’re lucky - maybe even rappers!
When Penn students read "task force", many groan. Task forces in the past have been accused of being intended more to placate the student body than to create change. The task force announced in the wake of the Oz emails, for example, was met with skepticism and took some three months to even outline its goals and plans. Task forces on mental health have faced their fair share of criticism as well, while other task forces like those dealing with Greek life appear to have simply been forgotten.
It’s that time of year again.
Alex Tagore used to be a normal, quiet Penn student. He did his homework, occasionally went out, was a part of some clubs, and lived a normal, boring life. But this weekend, everything changed.
In shocking news this week, Jon M. Huntsman, Jr. (C ’87), the son of some random guy who probably donated a lot of money to Penn, has been appointed as the U.S. Ambassador to Russia.
A criminal mastermind is on the loose.
University of Pennsylvania SEAS sophomore Vignesh Patel, who has spent the past 48 hours in Moore 100, is currently planning the most depressing Valentine's’ Day of all time, sources tell UTB.
Only a few weeks after his departure from the White House, Joe Biden has already begun to face the vigorous competition of the outside world. Sources suggest that Mr. Biden, whose specific role at Penn has just been announced, has already been rejected by 8 Wharton clubs.