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Sophie Trotto


Articles

OP-ED: Hey Mom, Can't FaceTime Right Now, a Penis Is Literally Entering Me

Sorry we haven’t talked in a while :/ You always call me in the middle of my Penn Appétit meetings, so I can't pick up.


Unused Yoga Mat Has Now Been Sitting in Woman’s Apartment for 2 Years

Coated in a substantial layer of dust, the Lululemon yoga mat she bought sophomore year rests desolately in the corner of her bedroom closet. It has remained untouched for the past two years — she last attempted to use it at home in November 2016, guided by a soothing Youtube instructional video on her 13” Macbook Air.


I’m a Penn Athlete and I Will Accept Payment in Cash Venmo or Bitcoin Thank U

If Venmo doesn’t work for you, I can accept payment in many different forms.


Jerome Allen Received $300,000 in Bribes, Still Lowest Paid Wharton Grad

Under “gross income,” Allen reported a mere $278,000. According to a representative to the Wharton school, that makes him the lowest paid Wharton graduate “by far,” and that “even the kids who aren’t working for a big three consulting firm are making more bank.”


If Penn Actually Cared About Mental Health, the Jonas Brothers Would be Performing at Fling

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that having the Jo Bros perform at Fling would significantly increase the overall happiness of the undergraduate student body. It’s obvious that serotonin levels rise exponentially when looking into Nick’s beautiful curls or Joe’s dreamy eyes.


Friend Group Ready to 'Go Wild' and Sneak Bag of Skinny Pop Into Movie Theater

Cinemark was half-price, so Emily, Angela, Liam, Brandon, and Alexis were ready to have a wild night (Raquel couldn’t make it. She has an exam tomorrow, and she is so behind smh.).


OP-ED: Can We Do Your Place Tonight? I Have Crippling Depression so My Room Is Really Messy

haha i mean well yea my mental health isnt [100 emoji] at the moment u know


Student Unsure of How Much Detail of Gastrointestinal Distress to Include in Extension Request

There's no way I'm gonna be able to get it done, considering I've been on the toilet for the past 13 hours.


OP-ED: The Government Better Not Shut Down Again, Because My Flight to Cancun Is Non-refundable

I'm flexible with whatever compromise you come up with (as long as the PHL airport stays up and running on Saturday, March 2 and Sunday, March 10, 2019).


Wildly Creative Student to Caption New Year’s Insta With '2018: thank u, next'

College senior Andrew Caplan is ready to say hello to 2019 and never look back.


Campus Sports Fans Thrilled They Can Still Bandwagon Penn Men's Basketball

Tens, maybe-but-probably-not hundreds, of students on campus rejoiced this evening when Penn men's basketball upset reigning NCAA national champion Villanova and shocked the world (except the three DP sports writers who "predict" every year that Penn will beat 'Nova — they totally called it).


They Do the DP Crossword Together Every Week. Last Friday, She Used It to Tell Her 'we should stop hooking up. idk i think ur kinda too clingy'

Johns, who reached out to the DP weeks in advance, wanted to reject Thomas in a unique way.


OP-ED: I’ve Listened to 'thank u, next' for 24 Hours Straight, but I Still Hate All of My Exes

Dear Ari—may I call you Ari? I hope so. I've been a major Arianator ever since I was 15 and really resonated with your hit single "Side to Side."


Rising Junior Ecstatic to Return to Wearing Athleisure Every Day

According to a school-wide survey, Alex Travers (W ’20) is one of the six students excited to return to school this month.


Penn Researchers Discover 89% of Boys Don’t Know How to Smile in Photos

This Wednesday, a interdisciplinary research team from the Penn Fine Arts Department and the School of Dental Medicine published the results of a groundbreaking study. Approximately 89.43% of individuals who identify as male don’t really know how to smile in photos.







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