25 Things More Exciting Than Attending An Ivy League Football Game Sober

Thanks to a history of reckless behavior by Penn students, there will be heightened security, including liquor enforcement, at the Penn-Princeton football game on Saturday, meaning if you want to cheer on the Quakers, you will have to do so fully conscious (which sucks).

Here's a list of things more exciting than attending the game sober.

1. Watching someone watch paint dry
2. Icebreakers
3. When they get your order wrong at McDonalds
4. Nebraska's 3rd Congressional District
5. The fly episode of Breaking Bad
6. The foreword of any book
7. Mark Ruffalo not coming to Penn
8. Amish Nascar
9. Empty podiums on C-SPAN
10. Gourds
11. 1830
12. Allegro at 2 PM on a Tuesday
13. Right angles
14. Gluten-free bagels
15. A colonoscopy
16. Respectful political discourse
17. TEDx Flint
18. Decaf coffee
19. Gofundmes that raise no money
20. The Odyssey Online
21. Any TV show about being Amish
22. Linux
23. So You Think You Can Be An Actuary
24. Typing "5318008" on a calculator and flipping it upside-down
25. Peaceful transfers of power