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UPenn Bottoms Protest White Dog’s Bottomless Brunch

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On June 1st, the UPenn Association of Bottoms gathered outside White Dog Cafe in University City to protest the restaurant’s “bottomless brunch” option. 

“Tops own every place in this town,” said Trent Smith, local bottom. “Excluding bottoms from the one safe space they have left, brunch? I know I usually get dominated in bed, but I won’t stand to be dominated here.”

The bottoms marched outside for hours sporting the traditional bottom uniform: 3-inch short shorts and a halter top. 

The crowd protested to the dulcet tones of Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. 

Many chanted: 

“Stop tops!”

“2...4...6...8… things up my butt feel great.”

“Bloody assholes deserve bloody Mary’s.”

“Sodomy? Sodom-you!”

Penn Nudist Society has scheduled a counter-protest against UPenn Ass Bottoms, saying that everyone has the right to be bottomless. 

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