To Whoever Stole My Underwear From The Harnwell Laundry Room: Get Ready For a Nasty Yeast Infection

It was a normal afternoon. I finished classes, took a nap, and then decided to do my laundry. I just had a few of my typical things to be washed: Shorts, underwear, shirts, and my bedazzled Juicy (the company, you freak) booty short pants. I put it in the wash, used someone else's detergent, and put it on delicate and cold (because I am classy). 

Once it was done, I put it in the dryer. When I went to get it, something terrible happened: My booty shorts were missing! After crying for hours, I remembered I could just buy a new pair (as I said, I’m classy). However, over the next few weeks, things took a turn. All of my FAVORITE pieces of clothing were being stolen: my spanx, suspenders, assless chaps, and even my jock strap. I wasn’t going to put up with this anymore. No classy person would.

I tried to catch the culprit, but I never found them in the act. That’s when I decided to take things into my own hands, and do something a little…unclassy. I took my most prized possession, my juicy bedazzled underwear, and was going to make a sacrifice to put an end to this: 

“I’m going to put the worst yeast infection into these underpants that the world has ever seen.” 

But to do this, I had to do something I’ve never ever done before: step into 1920 Commons.

I walked in there, and just dropped the underpants on the ground. That probably was enough, but to be safe, I rubbed my poor pink perfect juicy underpants over every INCH of surface in that VOMITorium.

And finally, I went back to my dorm, and placed a pile of my clothes in the dryer, and put my juicy underpants right on top. All that was left to do was to wait.

What happens next is…shocking.

After 3 days of patrolling my laundry floor 24/7, I saw nothing. I finally decided to leave to go to my favorite class: Intro to Ethics and Criminal law. As I walked in and settled into my class, I noticed something off with my professor…he was itching…down there…a lot. 

No…it couldn’t be I thought to myself

But then, suddenly, as he bent down to pick up the pencil he had just dropped, I saw the tiniest pink juicy tag clip out of his pants.

AHA!

I ran up to him, and pantsed him then and there. 

“You! You’re the one who’s been stealing all of my juicy couture!!!”

“Why would you do this?” I asked?

“Research purposes” as he said with a grim, grim, smirk.