US Government Announces Summer Internship in Iran

Hearing about a struggling youth job market, President Donald Trump announced a new plan to have youth unemployment hit 0%. While not a novel idea, only a handful of past presidents have attempted to try this: on Tuesday, the Department of War announced an unlimited number of spots for willing participants in the Middle East "Freedom from Life" operation.

Defending the president's decision, professional die player and Secretary of War Pete Hegseth said, "Looking at the job market, we noticed a lot of competition between firms for super top-level recruits, but we noticed an opening in the market for basically everybody else." Hegseth added, "AI being introduced into the civilian workforce has also allowed us to expand the breadth of our recruitment efforts to basically any recent grad or high-level CS, finance, or pre-law students."

Touting new recruiting strategies such as posting on Handshake, allowing for coffee chats with current and relatives of past service members, as well as preying on low-income students, the Department of War has already touted record-shattering numbers for this most recent campaign. When asked what the day-to-day of the summer internship would look like, a spokesman for the Department of War responded, "Recovering our oil from under their sand."

The starting rate for this position is $7.25 an hour.