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After taking (some) of the advice from the peer resume reviewer at Career Services, college junior Dylan Muldowny decided to email every CEO he could find on MyPenn and ask for an informational interview.
Oh, hey there! How are you today? Good? That’s great. Me too. So fantastic, I am. Nothing wrong today.
ABG? I think one of my friends interned there last summer.
First Encounter:
There’s certain social obligations that one must fulfill in this University. For example, one should avoid controversy. Ted (audience engagement manager of UTB) disagrees with this. I (UTB MLM) do as well.
I thought I could get away. I tried to unsubscribe — but they found me again.
Time is not linear.
As students danced and sang along to Bad Habits [Meduza EDM Remix] last Saturday night, some took mimicking Sheeran’s accent too far. “Oi mate, I’m also from Manchester,” said Eric Trillo, a freshman actually from Cleveland. “I just love being an international student!” continued the Rust Belt student.
1. THIS IS FACETIOUS I PROMISE THIS IS IN JEST THIS IS FROLICSOME ALL IS WELL
It’s junior year and I haven’t passed the line yet. You may ask, “What is ‘the line'?” Great question, my compadre. This is a euphemism for my lamentable condition as a student on academic probation. I reached this sorry state or rather, I haven’t come out of this state, because I’ve never passed a class before. Now you understand, I’m basically an academic failure. “Resubmit,” “rethink,” “come in for office hours,” “do me a special favor” are all commonplace in my inbox and submission comments. I’ve started to call Canvas grade notifications UPENN QUARTER LIFE CRISIS ALERTS. I’m numb to being at the end of the whisker on the box-and-whisker plot. They’re all 10s to me. If the wealthy donors think Magill is a failure, they should meet me. I’ve been looking into alternative paths. Perhaps Oxford is my calling. I was just about ready to apply for an accelerated BA/PhD program when I received a most inspiring message from my RELS 0100: Descent into Hell professor.
It's been a long journey, and one I won't ever be able to forget.
Did you know that love is what makes time tangible?
There's not much to be said here. Huntsman kinda looks like the panopticon, at least to me --- and my opinion matters much more than anyone who was involved in designing that building.
My phone in my front right pant pocket buzzes once… then again… then one final time. I look down thinking it may be a phone call… no, it’s even worse.
The iPhone (SE 3rd generation) is a lever for jouissance. The body is a dispersion of a positive delusion. Having a text from him turns into not having text from him again, after you text back. Why is texting him so devastating? Why does he turn every one of your text into a thread on iMessage? Why is it that when you kiss him you can forget your name?
I’m so scared. What could be in it? What is substance? A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose. When does it stop being the rose, though? You can put a block of tofu on a plate, market it as vegan escargot and charge me $14.99. How far can we stretch this idea? What if on this plate, or rather brown cardboard packaging, was a single white rose, labeled vegan escargot. Would the price change? I fear not.
Did you think I was gonna say something funny? There’s nothing funny about Epilepsy Awareness Month. You probably thought I was gonna say something like I’m going to bike around campus with a huge tv attached to my bicycle displaying flashing lights. But I don’t want to get in trouble. And there’s nothing funny about epilepsy.
To whom it may concern, staff of Wilcaf, and otherwise:
"You only like me because you like the beginnings of things."
I can’t believe I’m doing this.