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His Duty Fulfilled, Alex from Penn Dems Re-enters Hibernatory Cryo-Chamber

(11/09/20 7:16am)

Parting is such sweet sorrow! Having fulfilled his solemn duty, Alex from Penn Dems voluntarily re-entered his personalized, hermetically-sealed cryo-chamber, where he will lie in wait for the next US election. Through the power of modern technology, the cold-caller's heart rate has been successfully slowed to a pace slower than that of the Nevada vote count.

Report: “Virtual Snacks with the Dean” Greatest Threat to Our Collective Grasp on Reality

(10/12/20 8:31am)

Fries, anyone? Last weekend, the thin line between reality and simulation was blurred once again by “Virtual Snacks with the Dean.” Typically held in-person, the special online version of the event invites students to a demonic, digital hellscape (created by Dean Sniegowski) where they can enjoy pixelated snacks and chat with the one and only (Dean Sniegowski).