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After deciding to wear her new lavender bodysuit she purchased from Urban Outfitters on Black Friday, Rebecca Cartwright (W ‘20) was left to make her usual afternoon coffee-induced defecation fully in the nude while her jeans and bodysuit rested far too close to the stall floor for any sane person’s comfort.
Lauren Guerra (E ’20) is pissed off. After funding numerous Uber rides to and fro the clubs of downtown Philadelphia — and guilty of naively trusting that her fellow rider would Venmo her back — she wants her (parents’) hard-earned money returned! And the debtor? Well, she’s a girl whose parents donated twenty mil.
A new study from Penn’s Office of Student Life has found that on average, 85% of all club board meetings at the University are spent continuously restructuring the club, with 10% of meetings used to try and fulfill the club’s reason for existing and the last 5% saved for small talk.
Freshman Fall often lends itself to intimate suitemate bonding — you'll likely see them cry, laugh, and even vomit within the first two days of NSO. My suitemate and I can even talk about periods or weird sex-related things. We’ve bonded enough, right? Why, then, is it so hard for us to talk about pooping?
Listen, I’ve spent all but $9.24 of my Dining Dollar$ for the semester at Pret A Manger — sue me! The sandwiches are so goddamn good. But that transaction of 1 swipe for $4.87 in DD... I ain’t having it!
Penn announced on Tuesday that—despite its student body and the large amounts of land it has purchased and gentrified in West Philly—it will be building new offices in New York City and Washington, D.C.
Cole Denison (C ’22) entered his microeconomics midterm with high hopes and an unsettling (though surprisingly invigorating) combination of nausea and diarrhea. The way in which he left the exam, though, was something he truly could not anticipate.
On Monday, University administrators announced that they would make big strides to fight mental illness on Penn’s campus, placing a licensed CAPS clinician in Huntsman Hall. Although salaried with tuition dollars primarily from the College of Arts and Sciences, the CAPS clinician will only be available to counsel Wharton students.
Fall is coming to an end with winter right around the corner, and you know what that means— Halloween szn is here! Every house, club, and frat is ready to throw the freakiest get togethers of the season. None will be more spooky than the upcoming Halloween party at ΒΩΩ. UTB reporters have confirmed half of the party guests will have festering Hand Foot Mouth disease, but for privacy reasons, we cannot tell you which guests those will be.
This is my story of what happened. It's the story of what I saw, felt, and thought during two of the most intense years I've ever experienced, and the story of the think pieces that I read (well, skimmed) after the fact which gave me a definitive grasp on why Donald Trump is now our president. Hillary Clinton wants to tell you “what happened.” I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.
Early Friday evening, Jeffery Rogers (W ’22), in a brave moment of honesty, acknowledged the song playing in his friend Rachel’s dorm room was such a mood.
The University of Pennsylvania just unveiled a new list of academic concentrations for the upcoming 2019-2020 school year. The newest major on the market? THC!
Last Friday, MERT bikers converged on an oddly loud trash can.
A recent study sponsored by Penn's Office of Student Affairs found that the sixth consecutive time you force your friend to drink a Smirnoff Ice on one knee is "way less funny" than the first. The conclusion was supported in multiple different environments, such as a pregame, Banana Leaf, or in your living with just you and your friend alone.
Following the recent policy change in sophomore year housing, questions about on-campus options prompted Penn’s Residential Services to publish a comprehensive list of what students can look forward to.
After a year of wildly controversial and deeply prejudiced statements, Penn Law professor Amy Wax is up in arms again—this time over what she sees as the systemic takedown of careers of some “perfectly nice” priests throughout Pennsylvania.
As of Saturday afternoon, Lara Simmons (C '21) came to the realization that she was prepared to divulge all personal secrets in an effort to fill an awkward silence.
Self-love is so important in today’s world. In a society in which individuals are able to hide behind screens and attack a person’s every flaw, it can be tough to keep up confidence. Self-love is a skill that needs to be practiced. However, as of publication, most people agreed Jamie Lister (E ’20) got too good at it and now should probably be pushed down a peg.
Reports surfaced late last night that Jared wants to know what ethnicity you are.
Sarah Moretti, a College freshman in URBS 254—Gender and Power in Cities of Western Europe, was found to be physically unable to not raise her hand in seminar.