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OP-ED: When Is It Time for My Suitemates and I to Start Speaking Freely About Pooping? It's Gotta Happen Eventually, Right?

(12/03/18 7:45pm)

Freshman Fall often lends itself to intimate suitemate bonding — you'll likely see them cry, laugh, and even vomit within the first two days of NSO. My suitemate and I can even talk about periods or weird sex-related things. We’ve bonded enough, right? Why, then, is it so hard for us to talk about pooping?





CAPS Will Now Station Local Grandma Who Believes Therapy is 'Full of Shit' in Van Pelt Lobby

(11/05/18 6:59pm)

On Monday, University administrators announced that they would make big strides to fight mental illness on Penn’s campus, placing a licensed CAPS clinician in Huntsman Hall. Although salaried with tuition dollars primarily from the College of Arts and Sciences, the CAPS clinician will only be available to counsel Wharton students.


Spooky! Half the People at This Party Have Hand Foot Mouth Disease but We Won’t Say Who

(10/26/18 7:21pm)

Fall is coming to an end with winter right around the corner, and you know what that means— Halloween szn is here! Every house, club, and frat is ready to throw the freakiest get togethers of the season. None will be more spooky than the upcoming Halloween party at ΒΩΩ. UTB reporters have confirmed half of the party guests will have festering Hand Foot Mouth disease, but for privacy reasons, we cannot tell you which guests those will be.


'What Really Happened,' by Jared From Your PoliSci Recitation

(11/07/18 6:36pm)

This is my story of what happened. It's the story of what I saw, felt, and thought during two of the most intense years I've ever experienced, and the story of the think pieces that I read (well, skimmed) after the fact which gave me a definitive grasp on why Donald Trump is now our president. Hillary Clinton wants to tell you “what happened.” I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation. 





New Study Finds 6th Consecutive 'Ice-ing' Way Less Funny Than First

(10/17/18 9:06pm)

A recent study sponsored by Penn's Office of Student Affairs found that the sixth consecutive time you force your friend to drink a Smirnoff Ice on one knee is "way less funny" than the first. The conclusion was supported in multiple different environments, such as a pregame, Banana Leaf, or in your living with just you and your friend alone.





Too Much Self Love? Someone Needs to Push Jamie Down a Peg

(09/30/18 2:39pm)

Self-love is so important in today’s world. In a society in which individuals are able to hide behind screens and attack a person’s every flaw, it can be tough to keep up confidence. Self-love is a skill that needs to be practiced. However, as of publication, most people agreed Jamie Lister (E ’20) got too good at it and now should probably be pushed down a peg.







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