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Chaily Derecskey


Masturbation Marathon! My Roommate Is in the Shower

Ten blissful minutes seal my fate; I fervently self-lubricate. A breast to rub, a bean to flick, I close my eyes. I masturbate.

Penn Marriage Pact Finds 76% of Undergraduate Student Body to be Unloveable

No, like, what the fuck is wrong with you guys?

New Waste Reduction Initiative Requires Students to Eat Out of Dining Hall Workers’ Cupped Hands

The sustainability team also encourages sucking their fingers clean in order to get every last tasty drop.

Wow! Most Privileged Motherfuckers in Country Find Some New Shit to Complain About

Out of those surveyed, 82% think the dining hall food is “gross,” 68% think the dining hall staff could have “better attitudes,” and 97% will never have to work in the food industry in their lives.

Misogynist? This Male Professor Assigns Female Students Homework

We have to draw a line somewhere.