It was a simpler time; I still considered myself pre-med, ate McClelland eight times a week, and protested Castle.

You begin to feel how one usually feels after a few drinks: socially and morally conscious about your racial identity. 

First step, enema.

Danse, dance, dAAAAAAAANCE! 

I think it’s your nose, maybe your chin. It's like someone overlayed every white girls' face. 

Spoiler: It's not what you think!

Despite his decidedly insufferable characteristics, I must concede that this kid fucking dripsssss.

I realize I am damned to this narrative.

I do not like commons green eggs and ham. I do not like this, Maya I am.

It's so worth it! It really does smell a little different on everyone.

Nothing is truly ever as it seems, yet everything acts in accordance to what you do. Therefore, extend your love to me!

And hey, it’s not like Philly is going to do anything about it. One resident close to the demolished shelter said, “This place kinda sucks” when I asked her how she felt about Penn’s most recent expansion.

Jersey? Hannah is going to OWN a house with a yard? And she is a manager at Super Cuts in Cherry Hill?

This ruined the would-be event of the year for empty-nesters who now have nothing better to look forward to than amateur a cappella.

The critically acclaimed creep show You has a fifth season set in the most perilous, abstract, iridescent slice of paradise: United By Blue (Coffee (Inc(.))).

“Anyone else smell fish?” asked a concerned bystander.

I love you and I don't know your stance on venn diagrams.

For now, engaging in a Mad Fit Workout is merely an unattainable dream, one that I reach for, but never quite reach. 

"I think this one means love... Or if you ask my boyfriend, it means rock on!"

Even if your parents don’t come, it’s still an exciting time — you already know that your roommate is rich, now it's time to see if they also have a hot dad.