He's actually not done with finals yet. He still has a final paper due on Friday. 

There’s a couple of potential answers to her inquiries. You could definitely lie and say you usually take a power nap at 8:35 PM while studying for finals, and you just forgot to turn the alarm off.

Wait, hold up. No way. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Smoke? I just wanted to fry up a late-night dish, and this is what I get? Oh shit oh fuck that’s a lot of steam

It’s come to my attention that I’ll never be an antique bison. Try as I might, I am only a twenty-fifth of it’s size, far less stately than I once had hoped. 

Listen, buddy, whatever you’re blabbering on about right now, I don’t want to hear about it. You could literally be telling me that the final for my Art History class has been canceled and I couldn't care less! You know why? Cuz you, and that mouth of yours, have been getting on my nerves lately. 

Yeah yeah, Trump did call the Prime Minister of Italy ‘Giuseppe Spaghetti’ today, but I’m blissfully distracted by these delicious new paella recipes.

Again, we should definitely keep the coke cabinet unlocked. It’s just logical. 

"Maybe I’ll just pay my way into Wharton like everyone else."

You don’t need parties to have fun. For example, one great way to pass the time is to watch paint dry. 

Lucky for everyone, two measly hours is more than enough time to find and categorize sweaters for over 2000 individuals.

We can hardly fix these problems in the U.N., but for some reason, at 5 P.M. on Tuesday, I have to pack my stuff up so you can try to fix it in a literal house. It just seems personal.

Sorry to anyone who doesn't enjoy the smell of chipotle mayo.

“Merge sort is the most satisfying thing I’ve ever seen."

When I look at a stranger’s cover photo, I can tell if they have friends or not. If they’re promoting their club or frat’s latest event, it is clear that they have a social life and that they matter. However, if I see a photo of them with their friends, all I can think is “wow, what a loser.”

Situated at the corner of 40th and Walnut streets, construction on the record-breaking $163 million dorm hall began in December 2018, with the site facing Du Bois College House, Gregory College House, and Rodin College House.

Collectively, this added up to over an hour and 30 minutes of non-affiliated viewing time. Although they were alumni who had been members of PennEMOTE when, in Voshkal's words, "it was actually good," the three audience members still met the criteria of not knowing any performer.

Said all other Penn students, “What the fuck is Grammarly?” 

The Cyber Truck is so sleek and definitely does not look like a race car from a 1990's video game.

Penn is known for being a vibrant and rigorous academic atmosphere, with top tier researchers and the best student self-teachers in the world.

Citing probable low student demand for food other than overpriced salads and generic Asian food bowls, PSA anticipates that this business venture will ultimately fail in about a year’s time.