I Went to Cabo for Spring Break and All I Got Was This Stupid Little Cartel Affiliation

“Senior spring break was seriously amazing!,” I tell anyone within earshot of me at Starbucks. “Viva la révolucion!”  

The break was so restful and amazing. At present, I can only wear red and green and there are some parts of Philly, that I should not have gone to before, and I simply cannot go to now!

So let me tell you how this happened. 

I met this guy at the club - who was so cute, by the way, I think he’s a sophomore in Zete. He took me back to his cãsa (me casa es su casa - as they say!) and it was this rustic little hut off of the side of the highway. He took an iron, branded my arm and then gave me a small tattoo. Now I can’t get buried in a Jewish cemetery but, in some sense, I feel like I’ve gained a new sense of community.

My friends were blowing up my phone but I was just like, “Don’t worry guys!! I’m with that guy in Zete we all know! We met him that one time!! The 6'3" one with the mustache, pet parrot, who only wears Polo shirts.” They said “We don’t feel comfortable being your friend anymore. You are reckless with your life and I’m worried it will soon effect us.” Their loss! 

Anyway, hombres, this has been fun! I’m glad we got to chat. I’m heading to go rob an old woman’s house. Peace out! And long live El Chapo!