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Girl Who Refuses to Actively Support Friend in Any Way Comments "wow u r literally perfect" on Friend's Profile Picture

(05/12/18 5:47am)

No way! In a shocking turn of events, Margaret Benson (C '18), someone with a friendship track record that is shitty at best, has suddenly decided to be nice to her friend Sarah Goldstein (C '18) on social media. So far this year, Benson has been objectively horrible to her friend: she refuses to attend any of Goldstein's events, only talks about herself when they catch up, and loves to talk shit behind her back. Yet, funny enough, Benson is prone to showering Goldstein with kindness every time she posts a picture on Instagram.

Passionate Professor Gets Teary-Eyed About The Death of Abraham Lincoln As the Whole Class Fully Browses Facebook

(04/23/18 8:44pm)

Timothy Dean is a tenured history professor with an unmatched knowledge and passion for Civil War studies. In his free time, he does pretty much nothing besides watch Ken Burns documentaries about the American South and crafting charcoal portraits of Abraham Lincoln. He teaches a course on the Civil War this semester, but unfortunately, the administration just decided the class double counts for both a Sector and Foundational Approach. This explains why all of his students could not care less about what he has to say.

3 Types of Yarn You Can Knit This Summer While All Your Friends Are Interning at Hedge Funds

(04/20/18 6:56am)

The end of the school year is approaching, and it's not too long before internships begin. What is an internship, you ask? Oh, you don't know? Well, you probably know that a ton of your friends will be spending their summers in the Big Apple working in finance. Lucky for you, you have nothing to do at all from June until August! It is only fitting that you take up a new and exciting hobby. Here are 3 types of yarn you can knit while all your friends are interning at hedge funds.

Senior Who Paid $80 For A Despacito Fling Downtown Still Hasn't Paid Roommate Back For Toilet Paper

(04/11/18 10:52am)

We all have our roommate problems. Maybe you live with someone who sleeps through 30 consecutive alarms in the morning, doesn't do their dishes, or is constantly invading your personal space. But Julio Dawson (C '18) takes shitty roommate to the next level. He recently spent $80 on a ticket for the Despacito LLC Downtown that's coming up, yet refuses to pay his roommates back for basic household needs like toilet paper, water cups, and trash bags.

Endearingly Overeager Freshman Adds on Three Minors as If They Actually Fucking Matter

(04/09/18 11:23am)

Martin Friedman (C '21) is just adorable. He's so passionate and enthusiastic about his studies and appreciates the value of learning. A PPE major, Friedman decided that studying three fields—politics, philosophy and economics—wasn't enough to satisfy his academic cravings. So he decided to tack on three minors to his program of study.

3 Ways to Effortlessly Mention You Were Tapped for a Senior Society in a Casual Conversation

(04/03/18 11:48am)

Spring has sprung, everyone! And you know what that means. Senior society season is in full swing. Well, you probably know that already, because you've likely interacted with at least five people who have forcefully brought the topic up in conversation! If you're looking to be more like them, here's a few ways you can mention you were tapped for a senior society in a super natural way.

Hero: This Girl Shovels Soup into Her Mouth on Her Walk to Class to Not Waste Time Eating Lunch

(03/30/18 8:58pm)

Let's face it: it's hard to make time for ourselves at Penn. We're all "soooo busy," and that can get in the way of really important things, like our diets. Hannah Winter (C '18) knows this better than anyone. "At Penn, you have to learn to be as efficient with your time as possible. I start with my lunch."

Defying the System: This Girl is Going to St. Barth's Instead of PV for Spring Break

(02/27/18 10:16am)

Courtney Carlson (C '19) is not like other girls. Earlier this semester, when all her roommates and sorority sisters began discussing their plans for spring break, she knew in her heart that she wanted to make a change. Everyone around her had been discussing going to PV for spring break. While she fully admitted to liking PV as an option and that she "loves a good villa," she confessed that she wanted to defy the system and go somewhere...new. Unexpected. Somewhere that she would never forget.

Senior Anxiously Asks Professor If Midterms Will Be Graded Before the Drop Deadline for Fourth Year in a Row

(02/15/18 5:45pm)

The drop deadline is rapidly approaching, and midterms are already in full swing. Cole Barron (C '18) put off his Physical World requirement until his very last semester at Penn, and has a Geology midterm coming up. Naturally, Barron raised his hand eagerly in class on Monday to ask the professor if the midterms will be graded before the drop deadline. The professor replied, "Yes, they will be, as they always are. But Cole, you're a senior and you need this requirement to graduate. How could you possibly drop this class?"

OP-ED: I Live in The Radian, But I'm Not Like Other Girls

(02/12/18 7:42pm)

So we don't know each other really well and you only kind of know me from seeing me exit the Radian every Tuesday morning on the way to our Geology recitation. You see me outside my apartment every week, and we've never talked, so I'm sure you've already made some assumptions about me. But I'm here to tell you I'm not like the other girls who live in the Radian.

Shocking: This Senior Knows All the State Capitals in the United States but Has Never Taken SEPTA

(01/28/18 9:44am)

Trevor Courtland (W '18) is a bright young man and an accomplished student. He holds a 3.82 GPA, was a finalist for the National Geographical Bee in high school, and is passionate about American History. He is well-liked by his professors and by his peers. On paper, Courtland is a model student and citizen.

Wow! This Freshman Deactivated His Facebook to 'Focus on Academics' and Still Got a C- in PSYC 001

(12/18/17 6:02pm)

Earlier this semester, Connor Stanley (C '21) made a sacrifice that no one else could: he deactivated his Facebook account to focus on academics. Stanley spoke to us about the move, saying that he "simply could not handle" a 4-credit course load this semester if Facebook was going to be there to distract him. "Being tagged in photos, plus having my messenger notifications on, plus having to work on my writing seminar portfolio?! There's no way I can do all that this semester," he explained.

Venmo to Replace “Remind” Button With “pay me back for the fucking Franzia, Daniel, it’s been two weeks”

(11/18/17 3:38pm)

We're all somewhat familiar with the "Remind" feature on Venmo: maybe you attended a BYO with a near-acquaintance and don't know them well enough to ask for your $1.37 back, or your roommate still hasn't paid you back for toilet paper and you're just too much of a wuss to confront them in person. But it's become clear that the "Remind" button is moderately effective at best. It pops up on your phone screen one time only, very faintly "reminding" you to settle your debts.