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Shocking: That Guy Who Saved His Spot in Study Carrel With a Pile of Books Has Been Abroad All Semester

(02/07/18 2:00pm)

Last Saturday morning, Kelly Zhang (C ’19) hit the second floor Huntsman Quiet Study Room (QSR) at approximately 10:30 am, only to find that every single study carrel was occupied. Textbooks and notebooks littered each small study space. Yet, only three people were actually present in the room.

Junior Attends Women’s March After Cutting 100 Girls From Her Sorority Last Week

(01/21/18 7:44pm)

Yesterday morning, thousands of activists gathered at the Philadelphia Women’s March in support of women’s rights and deeper social change. Junior Christy Wolfstein, who carried poignant signs that read “girls just wanna have FUN-damental rights” and “a women’s place is in the resistance,” joined her friends and sorority sisters, Jackie Albright (C '19) and Lily Hempstead (W '18), at the march.

iPhone X No Longer Recognizes Girl’s Face Post Winter Break Food Binge

(01/25/18 8:55pm)

Tara Schleinberg (W '19) rolled out of bed this morning at 8:54 AM, giving her just enough time to wake up and realize she would not be attending her 9 AM today, or on any future day in the semester. Schleinberg raised her iPhone X to her face in order to unlock it and snooze her alarm. But that's when the unthinkable happened: the phone vibrated and denied her access.

Sophie’s Choice: Do You Get Blackout at That Random Formal, or Do You Get a Decent Grade on Your Final?

(12/12/17 3:07am)

So your roommate set you up with that tall guy Jonah for Omega Alpha Theta Mu Epsilon Alpha Lambda (commonly referred to as Oatmeal) formal. But you also have a final in PHYS320: Quantum Mechanics and Other Difficult Concepts the morning after. Yikes! What should you do?

New Study Finds That Students Who Put Up Virtual Fireplaces in GSRs are Less Productive

(11/15/17 6:51pm)

Have you ever stress-walked through Huntsman Ground floor, looking for an empty GSR to cram for that Intro to Astrology exam you thought you'd get an easy A on, but turns out it's actually kinda hard, and passed rows of virtual fireplaces on the TV screens in each room? Did you think "Wow, who are these bozos taking up perfectly good GSRs just to sit around and pretend to fucking roast marshmallows around a goddamn fake fire?"

Plot Twist: Wharton Senior Skips Super Day To Attend Class

(11/04/17 7:22pm)

Martin O’Malley (W ’18) was offered an all-inclusive trip to New York City to interview with four managing directors at J.K Morgan. The firm graciously offered to pay for O’Malley’s transportation (hello Amtrak, peace out Megabus) and a night at the cheapest hotel next to the corporate headquarters. How could anyone say no?

Sophomore Busted For Possession After Making Venmo Caption: "Drugs"

(10/10/17 5:15am)

Eric Shuster (C '20) was standing at the corner of 39th and Walnut, waiting to receive a small Ziploc bag filled with drugs, when he realized that he was in a predicament. While he made his simple, secure, and practically fun exchange of mobile currency for narcotics, Shuster wondered: what would he make his Venmo caption?